Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself.

Feb 3, 2009

I feel as if I’ve been hit by a bus. I didn’t feel well at all today and going to sleep at 1am last night did not help. I’m hoping I’m not coming down with anything– but being as it’s been nearly 2 years since the last time I was truly sick, my body is essentially telling me that I’m way overdue.

I started school yesterday and I have to say it was a bit overwhelming. For the most part though I think I’m getting the hang of it and shouldn’t have any problems with passing my classes. Robby has taken to referring to me as the Nazi because when I’m in school I’m generally very focused and refuse to miss an assignment or turn papers in late. That’s not how he operates, as he doesn’t mind skipping a few discussion questions because the don’t equate to that much and he doesn’t understand why I don’t think along the same lines. I had to explain to him that I’m a HUGE perfectionist and part of the reason it had taken me so long to return to school is because I wanted to not only succeed in my course work but also get the best grades possible. I know I have issues, but that’s just how I’ve always been and one of the reasons most of my peers would come to me about assignments of if they just needed help in general. Now believe me I’m far from perfect and the one subject that I’ve always been mediocre in is math. My brain just doesn’t think along those lines and thus it’s always been my weakest subject– which is great because I have to take 2 classes of college algebra which I’m sure won’t be pleasant but unfortunately are necessary evils.

These past few days have been a little insane. I’ve been dealing with cutting negative people out of my life and focusing on moving forward and the future. Most, if not all of my friends agree that I need to stop associating with this particular individual and move on. I’ve been known to continually give people chances and while I have no problems with that, there are just somethings regardless of whether they were meant to be malicious or not that I cannot forgive. All my close friends know how hard the past year was for me. They know the struggles I’ve endured and the problems I’ve been forced to overcome. Most of my close friends realize just how close my marriage was to falling a part and while the thought will always be there to serve as a lesson to never forget, the last thing I needed was someone close to me to bring such a hurtful subject up in an argument where the subject had no relevance to such a painful time in my life. In a way I’m grateful because none of my real friends would have ever thought to bring it up, regardless of the argument and the point they were trying to make.

Even given all that’s been going on in the pass few days I’m extremely excited to be going to San Diego for an extended vacation next weekend. I really want to get out of the state for awhile and just enjoy time with family and friends. Plus, I haven’t seen Vala in forever so I’m really looking forward to seeing her again. It’ll be good to catch up and just hang out. Maybe do a late night Denny’s run like we used to. It’s really the only thing I’m looking forward to this month, because though my birthday is on the 17th, I do not want, nor need to be reminded that I’m getting order and getting closer and closer to my mid 20′s. I realize I’m being silly about the whole thing, but given that most who speak to me think I’m 30+, the older I get, the older I feel, so I’m trying no to think too much about the fact that another year has passed so quickly.

I’ve been on a HUGE book buying spree and I think Robby and I have been to B&N at least 3 times this past week. I’ve started reading The House of Night series and while it’s a bit immature at times, I do enjoy the premise of the book and the different perspective the authors have chosen to take on vampires. I just finished the 4th book in the series and am now anxiously awaiting the release of the 5th book in March. On top of that I picked up another book called It’s (Mostly) His Fault which is basically a book by a man written for men on how to be better husbands. It also has passages in the book for females because the other was right in his assumption that the first person to read the book would be a wife who would then insist that her husband read it. So far I’m really like it and I think it might help Robby understand the needs and the expectations I have from him a bit better. I’m anxiously to finish it and have him read it so it’s next on my list of things to read.

Along with that book I’ve picked up Choke for the Book Club on Flourish and will spend some time reading that on my breaks at work as well as when I get home from work. Now that I’ve completed the 4th book in The House of Night series, I have more time to devote to the book that I should be reading. I finished the first chapter and it was interesting to say the least– I’m not quite sure if I like it, but I am amused by the tone and style the writer has chosen to take it. Regardless of whether I end up liking it, I think it will be an interesting book.

Alright, I am off to get some sleep being as it’s almost 10pm and I wanted to try and get at least 8 hours of sleep. Hopefully, I’ll be able to update more often, but between school and work the free time I had is starting to lessen more and more, so we’ll definitely have to see.