Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them – that’s what makes you strong.

Mar 15, 2009

It’s funny how a moment in time can change your life. Make you think of things you might otherwise would not have or open up your eyes to things around you and the things that really matter. For those who are close to me they know that the end of last year was probably the hardest battle I have ever fought. And while it was hard and I thought I might not get through it, I am still standing here today, strong and proud of the things that I was able to overcome. Life changes so suddenly that you never see it coming. The person you thought you were and the person you thought you’d never be may suddenly become the person you are and you have to stop and wonder where to go from that point. How do you stop being the person you never wanted to be and become the person you want to be? The answer is never simple, it’s never easy, but regardless of that, it isn’t the mistakes we make that matter the most, it’s twhat we do in the aftermath of those mistakes that define the person we are– the person we will be.

I have had a lot of time to do a lot of self reflecting. Especially given how difficult life was in the past year and what exactly changed to get me to that point. What I discovered wasn’t something special nor was it something of great impact, but it was enough to make me re-evaluate a lot of the things in my life, as well as a lot of the people in my life. I have some great friends. I always have and I know that won’t ever change– yet there is one friend in whom I can’t ever truly let go. She wronged me in many ways, broke pieces of me that I thought couldn’t be broken and while some would understand if I resented her for the rest of my life– or hell even hated her, I find that I don’t have it in me. Regardless of how much pain she caused me or how many tears I shed on her behalf– in a way I am grateful because I can still remember the times we laughed, the times we cared, and the times we shared with each other. I confided in her, things I never thought I would be capable of confiding to anyone other then the man who has my heart about. And while I feared that she would run in fear, she didn’t– she listened and she was there for me in what I like to think is the best way she knew how.

It is those memories and those shared confidences that make it impossible for me to hate her in the way another person would. It is those moments of laughter and tears that make me realize that while things fell a part, we had something special and it is that very realization that will hold a special place in my heart. People aren’t perfect– I above anyone else should know that. It is the actions they take after their mistakes that speak the loudest. I just hope that mine speak what I want them too.