Sep 18, 2009
Finally catching up with SYTYCD and can I just say I am super excited that they put someone with a hearing impairment through?! Seriously, I was rooting for her so much and was so happy she made it to Vegas. I think it would be awesome if she gets into the top 20, though I know how tough and rigorous Las Vegas week can be, so I worry she won’t. I suppose I’ll find out eventually. 
I watched Supernatural last night and I have to say that I am happy with the direction they’re taking the show. The brothers have been out of touch for so long that it just seemed feasible for them to take time off from each other so they could find a way to reconnect again. I miss Dean/Sam in the old days, so I’m hoping this will bring them back. I doubt they’ll be separated for very long, but hopefully it’s at least 3 episodes to establish themselves separately and get Sam back on track. I’m not going to lie when I say I’m tired of the “evil, woe is me” Sam. Half the time I’m think to myself, get over it Sam. Be a man and suck it up. 
Today I watched Vampire Diaries to see if maybe it would get better. It hasn’t. Not at all. Though I’m not really surprised, as the premise of the books, as less from the synopsis I’ve read prevents it from actually being a good TV show. Who knows maybe it will turn around– though I doubt it. It just seems so fake and is far too teeny bopper for me. I literally shudder at certain points within the episode where the acting was just ew. 
It also makes me said that Ian decided to take such a craptacular role, but hey to each his own?
Today was pre-select for Aion and I did manage to get one at least one of the names I wanted for my toons. I’m going to remake her on the 20th when headstart launches because I’m afraid if I delete her now I’ll end up losing the name to someone who’s just now making their character. I’d be beyond upset if that was the case. I also managed to get Robby both his toon names and Danika one of her toon names and her runner up name. It’s better then nothing in my eyes. 
Alright, I’m off to go watch Supernatural with Robby. I’m trying to catch him up because he’s way behind. In the meantime, go check out Ecstasy MB!
Sep 17, 2009
Just finished watching the season premiere of “Bones” and I have to commend them on it. That made up for the shitty finale last season. I’m really curious to see how they develop Booth and Bones relationship. On the one hand it’s cute that he’s finally realizing his true feelings for her, but on the other hand I don’t want to see it happen because I think it’s going to severely change the dynamic between the two and could possible ending up killing the show. They’ve skirted it this long so I’m curious to see how long they plan on carrying it out before they follow through with it. I’ll be frank in saying, I do not want it to happen. 
Tomorrow is pre-selection for Aion and I’m uber excited. I cannot wait! Though I need to sit down and think of good names to use because right now I’m at a loss. I’m thinking that I will play on Lumiel for my Asmodian toons and then play on Triniel for Elyos. I just like the names of the servers as they struck me most. I can’t quite explain it though. I’m so excited to start playing and really leveling and getting geared for the instances and what not. I haven’t been this excited about a game in a long time. It’s going to be a blast and what’s best is I have some close friends of mine (Shawna, Danika, and Vala) playing with me. It’s going to be so kick ass! *squee*
The time off that I took from Ecstasy has helped severely. I’m less grumpy and I also got a lot done while I took that time off. Plus, I have something to look forward to next month! Robby and I have decided that we do want to take an extended trip to San Diego, so I’m currently working on getting the days off that I’ll need to make it happen. It’ll be so good to get out of this state and see family and friends. I’ve missed them! Plus, I’m actually in the mood to go dancing so it will be so fun to be able to do that as well. *nods*
Well, I’m off to do some more admin stuff on Ecstasy. If you haven’t joined yet, you should! The members there are famtabulous!
Sep 16, 2009
Well I didn’t expect to be blogging so soon today, however I’m so fucking irritated right now, it’s not even funny. I despise people who ignore the issue and try and make everything okay, but delivering promises that mean absolute shit to me. Regardless, I’m pretty much just done with the whole thing. I’ve said my piece, tried to be a good friend, but it has to come from both people. I’ve learned long ago that a friendship cannot flourish if there is only one person who’s taking the time to care, so I’m not going to force it anymore. I’ll go about my business, do what I have to do, and relish in the friends I do have and the people in my life that I love. Does it hurt? Yes, most definitely. Is it easy to let go? No, not in the slightest, but given my past history, it’s best to let go now, then drown in what I cannot change. That’s life, it goes on, and so will mine.
It’s 3:00 in the morning and I was going to pass on drinking, but given how I am feeling, I think I’m going to take it up. I need to unwind and I haven’t really. Drinking, despite how I’ll feel in the morning will help with that. Wow, it’s been nearly a year since I’ve drank this late, but honestly at this point, I just don’t care. I need to unwind, need to let the tears that I’ve been fighting back flow, because I just can’t pretend I’m okay anymore. I’m not. I haven’t been in quite some time and frankly, I’m tired of pretending I am. It’s time to let it flow.
Sep 15, 2009
I awoke this morning infuriated about an hour after I woke by Robby’s antics and his lack of caring when it comes to the bills– or rather his inability to hold himself accountable for fucking up. One of our bill’s was paid twice because someone scheduled a payment at the end of the month without letting me know. So I paid the bill thinking it hadn’t been done when it had been. Well the account history shows that the bill was processed as paid on the 31th, and the bill prior to that was processed on the 28th. Unfortunately the company doesn’t identify the second payment as payment for the next month so that means we have to pay the bill again this month to not incur late charges. I wanted Robby to call the bank to see if they’d make an exception, as our HOA bill is due at the end of this month as well, our electricity bill is over $300, so the extra money, while not a lot would be still help– of course he refuses to do so. I’m supposed to do it, regardless of the fact that I’m not on the account and thus cannot make any modifications, changes, etc. I hung up on him in pure frustration.
After decompressing, I decided that I needed to take a break and just go somewhere, so I started looking at dates and decided that next month we’re going to try and take a trip to San Diego. I’m thinking that the 10th-14th will be good, because it will allow us to see my mother-in-law and then visit my brother-in-law in Modesto, but I still need to make arrangements on my end to make it happen. I shouldn’t have any problems getting my Sunday covered (I hope), but I need to find someone to work my Monday, and then request Saturday off. If all else fails I can just ask for both days off, but I really don’t want to, being as I want to save my hours, in case we have to go somewhere else. If I’m not able to get it covered then I’ll just request it off. I’m really excited about the trip because honestly I need to get out of the house and out of this state. I think that will help in improving my mood severely. *nods* Well at least I hope it will. I guess we’ll have to see.
In more fandom related news, I watched the True Blood season finale the other day and I have to say it was probably the most piece of shit episode I’ve seen for any TV show in a long time. HBO did so much to hype it up, even postponed it for a week and that’s what we got? Seriously, who ever that it was okay to air that should be shot. It was such a HUGE disappointment and honestly if the season itself wasn’t good and if I hadn’t read the books, I probably would not resume watching next year. Yes, it was really that bad. Oh well, let’s hope their season premiere makes up for it. *crosses fingers* Alright, I’m off to work on some stuff for Ecstasy. Maybe it will take my mind of my shitty mood– though I doubt it. *sigh*
Sep 14, 2009
For the past few days/couple of weeks I’ve had such a discontentment growing within me and I wasn’t able to quite pinpoint it, until today when I had a conversation with a good friend of mine, who brought to my attention exactly what has been bothering me: lost of self. Nearly a year ago, I entered a path which I spiraled down rather quickly. Selfishly I hurt a lot of people I cared about to, only to discover that without a doubt ignorance is bliss. Now I find that feeling growing once again and the discontentment that is slowly emerging is due in large part to my resistance to its reemergence. I’m trying desperately ignore the rising tide, but it seems the more I do that the worse off I become, so I’m at a standstill as to what I should do.
I have this obsessive need to do something by myself. Go out dancing, drinking, anything– yet it seems I’m caught because I realize that in order for me to do that I kind of need friends out here to do that with, which I don’t really have. Sure I’ve formed some friendships, but in large part, most of the friendships I’ve formed out here have been superficial and I doubt I’d be comfortable going out with a lot of those people, especially with my tendency to reveal certain truthes about myself, life, feelings, etc when I’m drunk. It’s frustrating and one of the reasons I miss San Diego so much. I miss the people I could run to to unwind. People who would understand why I feel the way I do sometimes. I don’t have that here and it kills me.
I’m a 23 year old going on 40– at least that’s how it feels. I know in part I have myself to blame for it, but its hard to live through the things I have and not grow up. Its hard to see the things that I have and not have a complete change in mentality. Sometimes, I wish I could be like most 23 year olds my age, but I suppose you’re given what you’re handled– or maybe that’s what we all want to believe so we don’t falter under the pressure.
So what happens then, if you do?
Sep 13, 2009
I haven’t been much like myself the past few days and I’m not sure why. I think that maybe the whole seeing my mom again thing after so many years is finally catching up to me and really giving me some time to process, hence my suddenly lack of interest in anything and everything and my productivity level dropping. I am hoping that taking some time away will help re-energize me because it seems like I desperately need it. I suppose we’ll see if time away really does me any good.
I finished watching Eureka today and I have to say, yet again, another great show canceled before its time. It’s so sad when the potential for shows is cut short by networks because its not bringing in enough viewers. Ironically, it’s much like owning a message board. One pops up ever day and one is closed because the owners refused to realize its potential and work harder to make it something that people would enjoy coming back to. Oh well, I guess that’s life.
It’s too bad though for shows because we’ve lost so many due to people having that mentality. In any event I think my suddenly lack of productivity as comes to stress. I’m stressed because my mom’s little impromptu arrival put us where I didn’t want to be, with nothing in our savings. I am trying to panic about it because I know it will only be a few more weeks until we have something in our savings again, but still I can’t help. Plus, the constant increases in our electricity bill each month isn’t helping the situation. Two people should not be paying 300/month for electricity. Something just isn’t right. I’m going to have Robby look more into this because it just seems off to me. I know that leaving 30 minutes from town has something to do with it, but honestly our bill has double and that’s just ludicrous to me. I don’t know maybe I have the wrong expectations. In any event, I’m going to pick out a movie to watch and crash. Tomorrow is my Friday, but I think I may start picking up some extra hours to help with the cash flow– course that means my temperament isn’t going to decline rapidly, but hey, sometimes you have to do what’s necessary, regardless of whether you like it or not. *shrugs* Again, that’s just life.
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