In the corner of my mind, I know to well, that surely even I, deserve the best

Oct 6, 2009

So the story goes on down a less traveled road. It’s a variation on the one I was old, and although it’s not the same, it’s awful close. In an ordinary fairy tale land, there’s a promise of a perfect happy end and I imagine having just short of that, is better than nothing.
“Forever & Almost Always” – Kate Voegele

My soul is breaking. Slowly but surely. Each time I think that maybe this time it’s different, maybe this time we’ll be okay, something happens to shatter my hope, my faith– in him, in us. I’m tired of hoping he’ll grow up. Tired of having him get angry about trivial shit that just doesn’t matter. I’ve had enough of that today. I just wish he’d open his eyes and see the way he acts is pushing me away. It’s making me curl up inside myself and not want to come out. It’s making me want to not be around him because he let’s something so significant, so trivial prevent him from doing something with me. It hurts. It hurts so badly that I can’t breathe. I just wish for once he’d put his frustration aside and bare it because it means doing something with me, but it seems I can’t even have that.

I’m falling apart, struggling to hold on, searching for the reasons I continue to love him, but I’m afraid as time goes on, his attitude, his inability to grow up and realize what’s important, will overshadow what I’m holding on to, what I’m fighting for. I’m afraid that one day it just won’t be enough.