I feel forty kinds of sadness when you’re gone.

Nov 22, 2009

Today wasn’t too bad. I managed much better then I did last night, but I still miss him. It comes in waves. One moment I’m doing okay and then next minute, I feel like my heart has a huge whole in it and I can barely breathe. I hate feeling this way. It’s terrible. 9 more days until we are together again. I cannot wait. I miss him so much. Funny, you’d think given my history with my dad always gone because he was in the Navy, I’d handle this better, but truth is I think that’s contributed to my inability to handle this. That and my mother leaving when I was 11. It makes having people go away from me much harder because deep down I fear they won’t ever come back.

In any event, I’m just counting the days down and imagining what he would be doing at this exact moment. I imagine that right now he is sleeping since it’s nearly 8:00am over there and I can picture him all serene like and it helps. The pups have been sleeping with me as well, which is strange. Not so much for Diesel, but Benji normally doesn’t because he has this tendency to get in your face and it bugs me. The dog does not understand personal space so generally I don’t like it when he sleeps with me. I think that that they both sense my sadness so Benji has been doing a good job keeping his personal space and Diesel, well she’s Diesel.

In any event 9 more days until he’s home. That’s what I’m holding on to. It’s the only thing I can hold on to. I miss him so much.