Something’s very wrong here; your heart is frozen over. Something’s very strange here; you’ve lost all desire.

Nov 24, 2009

I do not know what is wrong, but regardless of how much sleep I get, I still wake up absolutely exhausted. What’s odd though is I’m not tossing and turning, it hasn’t taken me forever to fall asleep at night so I have no idea what it could be. Perhaps my subconscious is politely reminding me that Robby isn’t here by not allowing me to actually get rested. It’s bothersome, but I’m coping.

Today was much better than yesterday work wise. I got stuck again in e-mail which was perfectly fine with me after yesterdays fiasco. Today they have 5 voluntary time off slots available which isn’t as bad as before, but I have a feeling that will increase tomorrow. Our call volume was beyond dismal when I was on the phones, course that will probably change once Black Friday hits, but still it’s actually quite pathetic.

After my bath today I dug around until I found a clean Robby shirt and am now wearing it because it smells like help which helps a little. We talked yesterday for 3 1/2 minutes, which cost us $3.25 but it was worth every cent because I needed it. Tomorrow is Wednesday and this week feels like it is dragging. I have Thursday off because of Thanksgiving, joy, get to spend that alone, and then Friday I am work 3am-7am and then 1:30pm-8:00pm. Why? Because I need the hours. This VTO shit is not working out.

Well, I’m off to go do something. What, I don’t know. I just feel so blah and I really am not up for doing anything– largely in part because my other half is halfway around the world and there’s not a damn thing I can do about.