What’s Your Reason For Blogging? No, Your Real Reason.

Mar 28, 2010

It’s funny to think that blogging is supposed to be something that’s used as a release, a place that you can go to get your thoughts out without having to deal with consequences; yet given how much the internet has evolved and how much things have changed, a lot of people have started to believe that’s hardly the case. Take for instance my good friend, Whitters who seems to have lost her mojo for blogging. Part of it I think falls a lot on people’s perception that a good blog is a blog that attracts visitors, has at least 2 or 3 comments on every blog entry, and is a name that’s been heard before. Truth of the matter is, for me, that’s not the definition of a good blog. The definition of a good blog is a blog that incites passion and connection. One that allows the writer to directly connect with her or his readers by the words that are written and the feelings they evoke. More often then not I end up leaving a blog because it’s become too commercial so to speak and the writer has gotten lost in what they feel they’re supposed to be.

I don’t have a large following and I will admit that at one point that bothered me, but now I realize that my blog isn’t here to entertain the masses; it’s meant for me, no one else. And while I enjoy feedback and comments or discussion amongst the few who read my blog, I think I would be perfectly content to continue writing even if I didn’t have that incentive. This is my home, a place where I go when it’s too much to speak and written word is my only means of releasing what I’m incapable of saying outloud. It’s my place of self reflection, discovery, and inspiration. I will look back on my entries a year from now and realize how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed and draw from that knowledge to continue with my life in a means that will benefit me best– I think a lot of people forget that and that’s why a lot of people in the blogging environment get lost or disinterested.

What I ask for the few of you who read this is to step back and evaluate the real reason you have a blog and why you blog. What motivates you to sit down, login to WordPress (or whichever platform you use) and start writing? Is it because you have a large reader base who will grow disappointed if you don’t blog? Is it because you need an escape, a place to call your own? What has blogging done to benefit you as a person? How has it changed your life or has it even changed your life? When you’re able to sit down and answer these questions honestly and without rationality; then perhaps you can discover the true reason you write, and determine if it is because it’s self satisfying or if it’s because it’s completely superficial. Personally, if I had to choose– I’d hope that my true reasons weren’t for the superficial, but for the real connections that so few make in the online environment because I know, even if I have never met you or may never meet you, I can only hope that you’re touched or at the very least inspired by that which I give so freely: my heart.

20 Things You Did Not Know About Angel

Mar 25, 2010

I was actually inspired to do something like this by Cole‘s post and wanted to do something similar. So the following list is twenty things you don’t know about me. Enjoy.

1. I do not like brownies, chocolate cake, or chocolate ice cream.
2. I would never bungee jump, but I would skydive.
3. I have been in love a total of 3 times.
4. Prior to meeting Robby, I only had one serious relationship.
5. While I appreciate and enjoy romantic gestures (flowers, etc), I don’t expect them or find them necessary.
6. In the midst of planning my wedding, I decided the stress wasn’t worth it and spontaneously decided on a courthouse ceremony.
7. I typically go through the day eating only one solid meal, because I snack the rest of the time.
8. I have very sensitive taste buds; I can taste what most cannot.
9. I was nearly raped as a child; the girl next door saved me by looking for her playmate.
10. I have a half brother whom I’ve never met.
11. I didn’t start using tampons until after I lost my virginity.
12. I wasn’t aware of how large my chest was for my body type until my senior year of high school; though others had pointed it out before.
13. I attempted suicide when I was 18 years old. My little sister saved me.
14. Growing up, I used to be terrified of going to hell; now I don’t believe in it.
15. I was self conscious about my height until I was a junior in high school.
16. One of my greatest fears is losing a sister.
17. I often put my well being behind those that I love.
18. I want to adopt a pre-teen child because everyone should have a place to belong.
19. I believe in full disclosure and intend on raising my kids under that belief. Robby feels the same.
20. I didn’t start drinking until I was nineteen years of age.

What are twenty things about you that your readers don’t know?

And Just When I Thought I’d Finally Gotten Past It

Mar 23, 2010

I’ve been feeling pretty frustrated for some reason, though I’m not sure why. I think it’s sheer frustration that I had done so well on getting out of the funk that had over come me in January and February, that the fact its back just makes me want to scream. I have not been quite this bad before and it’s taking its toll. Usually, I go months before succumbing to the need to re-energize but lately it’s been every few weeks. I think Robby and I just need to go someplace together sometime soon to get out of the house. I don’t mind being a homebody in the least, but I think it’s really starting to effect me and working at home really isn’t helping. I’m going to look at some places to check out in Sedona and plan a weekend getaway with Robby. I think that will help immensely.

So last Monday my class from hell ended and thanks to the help of Robby, I was able to barely pull a B-. When I say barely, I mean barely. 80.3%. I’m grateful though because it means my GPA didn’t tank which I figured it would, after that hell class. In any event I’m glad it’s over and at least one of the classes revolves more around what I’m interested in: image editing. I still have a bit of ways to go to complete my Bachelor’s but I feel like I’m finally making progress, now that I’m getting further into the core of my program. It’s actually very refreshing.

I’ve been watching a lot of shows lately– well, really just marathoning shows I own. I just got done with Bones and now I’m on to Charmed, as I never made it through the entire series. This is also how I know that my funk is coming back. I tend to focus my attention on TV shows and often avoid the internet; so for those who’ve noticed I haven’t been on AIM/MSN/YIM lately or haven’t been as talkative, that’s the reason. It has nothing to do with anyone just that I’m slipping into a funk and trying to get out. In any event, keep talking to me if you can. Even if I’m unresponsive. It will help.

Well I’m off to watch a little more Charmed and working on my homework. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better day.

It’s Not A Good Idea To Wake Me Up Before I Should Be Up

Mar 18, 2010

My morning did not start off well. Why you ask? Because my husband is a douche. Let me go on.

The first time this happened, I let it slide because it was the first time and well, shit happens. In any event let me preface this by saying my husband had decided to pick the most obnoxious sound as his alarm ringtone: a fucking rooster crowing (since when did we start living on a farm?)

Wednesdays-Friday I have to be up at 7 because I work from 8 until 10. He gets up around 6, which means that when his alarm clock goes off. I never hear the first one, but when he decides to start pressing snooze every time it goes off, I hear it each and every time, which means I’ve effectively lost my hour of sleep prior to getting up. Couple this with not sleeping well because I’m on an uncomfortable bed (his sleep apnea prevents us from sleeping in the same room, which makes this all the more worst, as you can determine how loud his alarm is) and it takes me awhile to sleep, I get about 4-5 hours of sleep at most. I can function off that if I have to, however I cannot function off 3 days of that.

In any event, his alarm finally stopped, but low and behold a few minutes later my alarm starts blaring at me. Obviously I’m annoyed and frustrated because this is the second time this has happened even though I’ve already talked to him about it.

After finally dragging myself out of bed, I go to my computer and start setting it up for work. Imagine my surprise when I hear, “Hi, baby.” That in itself sets me off. I ask, “You’re not going to work?” He responds, “I’m leaving in a few minutes.” So I say okay whatever. 2 minutes later, “Weasel is being really cute, come look.” I respond saying, “I don’t want to get up.” He counters with, “She’s being particularly cute.” I repeat, “I don’t want to get up.” So than he asks, “Where’s you camera.” I tilt my head and say, “Over there.” He says, “Where?” Now I’ve gone back to being annoyed, and say very pointedly and point my finger, “Over there.”

At this point he seems to be catching on that I am not happy because as he walks over he asks, “How are you feeling?” I say, “Annoyed.” He than ask, “Why are you annoyed?” I respond (with even venom in my voice to stop a black bear cold), “Your alarm.” At that point he mumbles, “Sorry” and proceeds to set up my camera. He walks over to take the picture and I try and tell him to put into one-shot mode because it’s currently set to remote/self-timer but he ignores me. Then he says, “Well, that’s not what I wanted.” To which I respond, “I tried to tell you to put it in one-shot mode.” He than snaps and says, “Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know what one-shot mode is?” I reply, “It takes one-shot.” He then stomps off into the bedroom and comes out a few seconds later with his phone. So at that point I’m annoyed and frustrated and ask him what he’s doing. He says, “Calling out of work.” My annoyance and level of pissiness rises, “What made you change your mind?” He responds, “I’m in a bad mood.” At that point I ignore him and let him do whatever the fuck he’s doing.

My level of irateness has increased considerably since I got up because a, I was once again woken up by his fucking alarm, after we’d had a discussion on it previously, and b, come to find out I was woken up for no fucking reasoning because he decides to call out on account of a bad mood.

So am I pissed? You bet your ass off I am– oh and the kicker, he’s sleeping again and I’m half tempted to set his fucking alarm to the G-ddamn rooster tone he’s chosen, hide it, and just let it go off until he gets out of bed. /rant

Pit Bulls: They’re Not The Monsters You Think They Are

Mar 15, 2010

I’m going to preface this blog by saying, when I woke up this morning I felt like crap– actually thinking about it, I still feel like crap. So when I received a comment from someone who’s website isn’t even legit, regarding Pit Bulls, that was completely ignorant and based on information that was hardly compromised of facts on my last blog which had no mention of my loveable Pit Bull Terrier, I was pretty upset.

I’m scared that the Pit bull requires a unique type of owner…these dogs, regardless of how ‘caring’ nevertheless have teeth, are still creatures with no moral principles and when they DO bite, won’t let go. As in all animals…some tend to be additionally susceptible to instinctual habits and time and time once again, this breed tends to complete just that.

Therefore, this blog is going to be purely informational and factual, because quite frankly I’m tired of all the misconceptions people have about Pit Bulls because people, yes people decided to use them in a means that resulted in branding the breed as a dangerous dog. I cannot reiterate this enough: THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE.

The American Pit Bull Terrier was the most popular family dog during the 20th century. So what happened? The wrong people realized that this breed is extremely loyal and eager to please (http://www.thetruthaboutpitbulls.com). Pit Bulls are actually quite loveable creatures, as long as they are raised to be so. The stigma they have is due entirely to owners who have used their loving, loyal, and eager to please nature in a manner that portrays them to be dangerous, terrifying dogs when in fact they are not.

When you hear people talking about Pit Bulls in the Pit Bull community, the most common term you’ll hear is responsible owner; because it is the owner that determines the temperament and mannerisms of the dog just as with any breed. The first thing people need to realize is that Pit Bulls are social creatures. They love to be around people and they can be destructive if they don’t get the proper exercise or attention. They love to chew; this I know through experience (yay to having to replace flip flops, lol), however this was my fault which I admit. She wasn’t getting enough exercise and as a result she got bored. This wasn’t her fault, it was our fault for not properly caring for her. We don’t blame her and neither should anyone else, because the fault as I’ve reiterated time and time again is on the owner, not on the breed.

The next most important thing to remember about Pit Bulls is to socialize them at an early age, this again, is something that you want to do with any breed. You want them to understand the importance of interacting with other animals, especially those smaller than them because they’re very energetic playful animals that aren’t quite aware of their size or strength and as a result if they’re not trained properly on how to approach a smaller animal, accidents can happen, as they attempt to play with the creature. But again they just want to play. They’re aren’t trying to be vicious or attack, they love to play, as evident by their exuberant, energetic nature (the video details this) and so does our little terrier. And on that note, as I stated previously they love people, children included, however they [the breed] can be a bit overwhelming and can sometimes bump or knock them [children] down in their haste to love and show affection. However, as with any other breed it is your responsible to ensure that you are watching your child(ren) when interacting with animals.

I could go on and on with a list of how the temperament of Pit Bulls and their mannerisms are a byproduct of their upbringing, however that would span across several blogs, so instead what I ask if that you educate yourself and make an informed decision, instead of succumbing to what the media portrays as they do not portray the whole story (when do they ever, really?). I used to be just as terrified and frightful of Pit Bulls (my dad still is), now I own one, and am quite proud of that fact. They are one of the sweetest breeds I have ever come to known and I hope, for those who believe the stigma placed on them by bad ownership, that this blog will in some way encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and learn something about a breed who’s touched me and quite a few others in so many ways.

List of Pit Bull Information Sites

• http://www.vrcpitbull.com/home.htm
• http://www.trupitbull.com/index.html
• http://happypitbull.com/
• http://www.pitbulllovers.com
• http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/americanpitbull.htm

Inspiration Finds Us Often When We Least Expect It

Mar 9, 2010

I’m going to preface this blog by saying, I’m tired. So if I start to ramble, please excuse my brain which is running on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, though if I actually calculated, I’m sure would be much less. I had attempted a nap against my better judgment, however Robby decided to jump in bed with me, which effectively became my alarm clock, because Angel + snoring man bear does not equate to sleeping Angel. Oh well. Let’s hope that tonight I can crawl into bed at a decent hour despite my impromptu non-nap (though I have heard that power naps are actually quite good for you).

In any event, the events of the last few days have ranged from quite eventful to painfully drab, though I don’t suppose you can expect excitement each day right? One can hope. This weekend I picked up a new dSLR, after selling my beloved Canon Rebel XTi. Why the upgrade? Well, despite the fact that I’d lost all inspiration for awhile there, I decided (for some unknown reason) to crack open a book I’d purchased, The Digital Photography Book which inspired me to jump back into it. Secondly we had a $485ish credit with Best Buy, a $20 Reward Zone certificate and a gift card, so I only had to sale my camera for at least $350 to ensure that I had very minimal out of pocket cost (which turned out to be no out of pocket cost and $28 left over) to get the camera I had been lusting over for quite some time: the Canon EOS Digital Rebel T1i.

I’m not quite ready to upgrade to a more professional camera so to speak, therefore I decided that it was best just to upgrade within the same class. The specifications of the T1i are as follows:

15.1 MP CMOS sensor, up from 10 in my XTi
Full HD (1080p) movies (arguably not really, only shoots in 20fps in this mode)
High ISO up to 12800 for low-light conditions
3″ LCD, same as 5D
3.4fps with burst shooting up to (170 JPEGs max)
3.0” Clear View LCD with Live View mode
9-point AF system
DIGIC 4 image processor, makes for better noise reduction
EOS Integrated Cleaning System
EF/EF-S and EX Speedlite compatibility

Compared to my XTi, this was a considerably upgrade and it also meant no more running to grab my camera whenever I wanted to take video of the animals because they were doing something unbelievably cute. In any event I’m really pleased with the purchase and quite happy that the members of Ecstasy¹ seem to be quite happy with our recent addition of the photography forums. I think I’m going to find good use for it and I hope that eventually, I’ll be much more confident and creative when it comes to my photography, specifically portraits because admittedly that’s where I am the weakest (the book is helping though!).

This week marks the last week of my class from hell. Right now I have an 80%, however my instructor has yet to grade the assignment I completed on Sunday, so it can either go up or down, depending on how well or how terribly I did. Robby is going to sit down and help me with my final to ensure that I will at the very least pass my class, because we all know I cannot afford to shell out $1,035 to retake it; ironically that would probably result in the selling of my new camera, lol. In any event the Ecstastians² and I have planned a member chat for Saturday in which we are all going to get hammered on web cam (we’re celebrating the end of my perdition). It’ll be pretty amusing to say the least, I’m sure… though now that I’m thinking about it, AIM may not be feasible because I don’t think it allows video chat rooms. LAME. Ecstastians, quick help need suggestions fast! I’m sure I’ll think of something.

And to end this on a more uplifting note, there is talk of a Ecstasy meet up here at my place, late fall. Everything is still tentative, however people are actually considering it and this pleases me greatly. I think we’ll have a kick ass time and the best part? It’ll all be on video, thanks to my spiffy new camera. What’s that? What happens at Angel’s stays at Angel’s? Hmm, I think not.

1. Oh come on really, you knew that shameless plug was coming.
2. A member or rather in this case members of Ecstasy