Yet Another Disappointment, Yet Another Fear

Apr 4, 2010

I’m surprised at how many comments I got in my last entry and even more surprised at how many people actually read my blog! In any event, thank you fall for the feedback and I hope that it allowed you to think more about your reasons for blogging and hopefully remind you all that it’s not the amount of comments or readers that makes a blog; rather its how it helps you to grow as an individual.

I had what I thought was exciting news earlier today which turned into crappy news, as I realized that I had screwed up the test and therefore the small percentage of it being positive was thrown out the window. In any event for a brief period I thought that I could really be pregnant as the test had done something I’d never seen it do. It wasn’t a straight confirmation but there was a slight blue in the positive window, however I didn’t exactly have enough urine so I couldn’t really be sure. My period has been really odd this month, if it can even be called that. When I thought I had started I grabbed a tampon as per usual and that was that. However when I went to change the tampon, there wasn’t much on it and a few days later, not much either, except a slight brownish discharge which for all intents and purposes could only be considered spotting.

It’s been a little over a week since that point and still nothing. I had taken tests previously, however they had all turned up negatively, so when I took the test today I had a good reason to assume it was in fact positive– that is until I took another test with more urine to give which came up negative, so my hopes were dashed and I am left once again thinking I just don’t have the ability to conceive. I know it’s premature as Robby and I haven’t really been trying, but still it hurts and it worries me. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t because it really does. I just hope Aunt Flo comes knocking soon so I can get it over with and move on with this month.

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a Macbook. It’s taking some getting used to and there are a few features I do not like (for instance needing to have an App to make sure the apps I want to uninstall are fully uninstalled) or the fact that I am having issues seeing other computers on our wireless network. Other then that I don’t mind it. I’m using it for the reason I got it, but I don’t think I’ll ever been a true Mac convert. I still prefer PCs and Windows hands down.

Well I suppose I’m off to figure out what I intend on doing for my 52 Weeks picture (today is the last day for the week) and I should probably work on my homework. I’m not at all in the mood to do it, but unfortunately it’s not like I have much of a choice in the matter. *sigh*