Hold Me When I Am Here, Love Me When I Am Gone

Apr 23, 2010

So I got tired of the red in my last layout and decided I needed a change. I don’t plan on keeping this particular theme for very long as I already have another in the making, but until it’s finished, you get this. I’m okay with it– obviously I didn’t really do much from my previous layout, but it’s enough to hold my interest hopefully, until Tawni completes my new theme. In any event I hope you all like it, even if it’s not going to be around for long.

Well Robby and I have “officially” started trying. I finally started my period on the 12th and it ended on the 16th. Since then I’ve been counting my cycle days and yesterday I peed on a stick to see if I was ovulating which I wasn’t. I also peed on a stick today and still no ovulating. Bah. I’m so impatient, lol. I just want to be pregnant and be like yay, but obviously that’s far too easy, so I’ll just have to wait patiently, keep up with the OKPs¹ and hopefully that one of Robby’s swimmers does it’s job.

In other news, I have been doing a fantastic job sticking with my new schedule. Every morning I get up around six in the morning, shower, have breakfast while playing on the net for a bit and then I take the dogs for a walk and have about two hours to play around before I start work. As a result I have noticed a increase in appetite which is odd for me. I’m usually lucky if I get in one full meal of the day, but I have been really good at eating at least three if not more depending on how hungry I am. It’s a nice change of pace! Even now I’m starving and once I’m finished with work I’m going to go down and make me something to eat. Robby is so proud of me, lol!

Speaking of Robby, his sleep apnea machine came in last night and I was able to, for the first time in months, sleep in the same bed with him. It was so blissful. I had not realized how much I’d missed it. It was so great to be able to wake up next to him. To roll over and not feel emptiness. Love, love, loved it. Lol. Plus, he was able to sleep through the whole night when usually he wakes up about five times so he was much more rested. I also don’t have to worry about him possibly falling asleep as he’s driving to work anymore, which is good. It was one of my HUGE concerns and I’m glad that’s not a factor anymore. Plus it means he’s going to have a lot more energy to do things which was a HUGE problem for us and I’m glad. Especially since we’re planning on bringing a little one into the world; now he just needs to work on losing weight and we’re set. Ahh, excited!

So I just got off the phone with him and I can already tell there is a change in his attitude! I asked him how he was feeling and he said he’s good but he wants to do something– which is weird. Usually it’s tired, lol. It’s phenomenal how much one day can make a difference. I see great things ahead for us! What are some changes that you or your significant other has made which proved advantageous to your lifestyle(s)? And for those who haven’t made any changes, what are some changes you think would make a difference? What’s preventing you from making those changes?

Om another note, because I’m never sure and curious as to what you all think…

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1. Ovulation kit predictors

Darwinism: It Should Be Allowed in Severe Cases

Apr 16, 2010

Yeah, my cats are just as bad as my dogs, if not worse, since they like to chase each other over the furniture. Ignore my little outbursts of saying hi to them, lol. It’s habit. =]

^{1, 2}

On a side note, you’re now able to do video comments so feel free to as I would love them!

1. I actually did make Robby bacon and eggs this morning. I do know how to make other things but we were out of eggs yesterday!
2. Blinds are going to run us 700ish dollars =( — does anyone want to donate to Angel’s broke, but needs blinds fund?

The Days Fly On By; Mere Memories in the Wind

Apr 14, 2010

Sorry for the darkness. The sun shifted and therefore the natural light I had been relying on was taken. Also ignore the freeze frame expression. I swear Vimeo does that on purpose.

A New Journey Begins, Well At Least We Hope So

Apr 8, 2010

I should probably be sleeping but I’m kind of avoiding sleep because I have my OBGYN appointment tomorrow and I’m freaking out about it, so I figure the longer I delay sleep, the longer I delay the appointment. I know it’s silly but I’m terrified that I’m going to get bad news and I don’t know how I would handle that. It’s partially my fault. I haven’t had a pap smear done since I was 18, mostly because I had no insurance for it and I haven’t been to a doctor since my suicide attempt. As a result I’m sure my health has suffered for it, but I’m not sure how much and I’m afraid I’ve put it off so long that I’m going to get news that will break my heart. I just hope that’s not the case, but again, I’m a pessimist at heart so I just keep trying to prepare myself for bad news, even though I know that’s probably the one wrong to look at it.

In any event, the week has really flown by. I think in large part it’s because my mother-in-law is in town and thus we’ve been busy running around a lot. Plus, Robby and I had some great news for her and that is we’ve decided to start trying for children, hence the trip to the OBGYN. That and I still haven’t had my period, still brown discharge, but no period, unless we count that. I do plan on bringing it up with the doctor and letting her know all the pregnancy tests I’ve taken thus far have been negative. My sister thinks I could possibly be pregnant and I’m just getting false negatives, but I don’t know. There’s also a possibility that I have an ectopic pregnancy, but I haven’t had any of the typical symptoms nor have I felt any pain in my side which is characteristic of an ectopic pregnancy, so I don’t know. I suppose all of the possibilities will be narrowed down tomorrow, but again I’m still freaked out about it. *sigh*

I’m also trying to slowly cut back on my caffeine intake and then slowly remove it from my diet completely. I think not only will it be good for me but it will save us a lot of money in the long run. I don’t even want to think of how much money we spend on Pepsi, so I think this is a good move. Plus, come May, Robby and I are planning on changing our diets. I’m going to be eating more fruits and veggies and I will also be taking folic acid and calcium supplements while he tries to lose weight. All of this is in preparation for trying to get pregnant and I think in the long run as long as we stick with it, we’ll feel much better– well at least we hope so.

Okay, I suppose I’ve postponed sleep long enough. Here’s hoping tomorrow is a good day and not one that breaks me, but the only way to find out is to let sleep come and hope for the best.

Yet Another Disappointment, Yet Another Fear

Apr 4, 2010

I’m surprised at how many comments I got in my last entry and even more surprised at how many people actually read my blog! In any event, thank you fall for the feedback and I hope that it allowed you to think more about your reasons for blogging and hopefully remind you all that it’s not the amount of comments or readers that makes a blog; rather its how it helps you to grow as an individual.

I had what I thought was exciting news earlier today which turned into crappy news, as I realized that I had screwed up the test and therefore the small percentage of it being positive was thrown out the window. In any event for a brief period I thought that I could really be pregnant as the test had done something I’d never seen it do. It wasn’t a straight confirmation but there was a slight blue in the positive window, however I didn’t exactly have enough urine so I couldn’t really be sure. My period has been really odd this month, if it can even be called that. When I thought I had started I grabbed a tampon as per usual and that was that. However when I went to change the tampon, there wasn’t much on it and a few days later, not much either, except a slight brownish discharge which for all intents and purposes could only be considered spotting.

It’s been a little over a week since that point and still nothing. I had taken tests previously, however they had all turned up negatively, so when I took the test today I had a good reason to assume it was in fact positive– that is until I took another test with more urine to give which came up negative, so my hopes were dashed and I am left once again thinking I just don’t have the ability to conceive. I know it’s premature as Robby and I haven’t really been trying, but still it hurts and it worries me. I can’t lie and say it doesn’t because it really does. I just hope Aunt Flo comes knocking soon so I can get it over with and move on with this month.

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a Macbook. It’s taking some getting used to and there are a few features I do not like (for instance needing to have an App to make sure the apps I want to uninstall are fully uninstalled) or the fact that I am having issues seeing other computers on our wireless network. Other then that I don’t mind it. I’m using it for the reason I got it, but I don’t think I’ll ever been a true Mac convert. I still prefer PCs and Windows hands down.

Well I suppose I’m off to figure out what I intend on doing for my 52 Weeks picture (today is the last day for the week) and I should probably work on my homework. I’m not at all in the mood to do it, but unfortunately it’s not like I have much of a choice in the matter. *sigh*