Ten Things I`m Jealous of Thursday

May 13, 2010

So I decided to switch it up on you. You don’t get Ten Things I Love Thursday nor do you get Ten Things I Hate Thursday, instead what you get is my jealousies* about certain things, people, and talents that just don’t make sense. If you have the balls then join me in my spitefest, you know damn well there are certain things out there that you’re jealous of– don’t even try to lie about it. It just makes you look stupid.

1. Maddi Jane. Yes, this little 11 year old makes me jealous. Her voice is just not right. Come one, you can’t have that mature of a voice without something being up with you. I bet you 10 years from now she’ll still have her voice, but instead of looking 21, she’ll look 30. Yup, that’s right. You can’t have one good thing without something bad. In her case I’m betting she ages poorly.
2. Paris Hilton. It’s not for the reason you think either. The bitch is rich. So rich that millions of dollars is probably chump change to her and instead of sharing that money with the poor people*, instead she’s hoarding it. I mean come on, I’m not greedy, I just need two million, that’s it. It’s enough to pay off our house, the car, our credit card bills and add more of a cush to our savings.
3. Web Designers. Specifically people like Nicole and Jamie* because they have mad skills. Skills that I don’t have*.
4. Jenn. She has like the cutest, most awesomest son ever. I keep threatening to steal him from her. She laughs along with me and even offers to jokingly send him to me– thing is I don’t think she knows I’m not joking. Shh!
5. Jared Padalecki. Yes, that’s right, I’m jealous of a guy. Get over it. Why am I jealous? Cause the fucker gets to hang out with Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins. You know what I would give to spend a day with them, okay so maybe it’s best we not go down that road.
6. Mothers. Yeah, that’s right. I’m jealous. Trying to get pregnant sucks, so I envy those who already have the pleasure of calling themselves “mom”. Oh and don’t try and say I am a mom, I love my furbabies, but let’s be realistic, who the heck wants to snuggle up with a drooling, slobbering dog that has bad breath. Yeah, I didn’t think you did either.
7. Green. Okay, so yeah I live in Arizona and I chose to live here, but seriously all this yellow, desert shit gets old fast. I want some green. That’s probably one of the top things I miss about San Diego. If you really want to know what it’s like to live in Arizona, go grab some yellow sunglasses and you’re set.
8. Ellen. Cause she makes humor sexy. Seriously, don’t believe me? She was given a Victoria Secret’s “What Is Sexy?” award. How cool sexy is that. Seriously, I’d take lessons from her any day of the week. Amirite?
9. My dogs. You’re damn straight I’m jealous of their furry asses. Do you know how fucking awesome it would be to laze about all day and not have to worry about getting up to work or walk the dogs? I don’t, but you can bet your ass they do.
10. You. While, I may not know exactly why I’m jealous of you, you can bet your ass there is something. I just haven’t figured it out yet.

*jealousies: noun– the feeling you get when you read something and you’re all, “shit, why didn’t I write that?”
*see me
*they’re skills are so awesome that I had to steal Jamie’s definition for jealousies
*you know because I’m too lazy to get off my fucking ass and actually sit down and re-learn everything I’ve forgotten