New Decree: Blogging Entertainment 101

Jun 11, 2010

So I’ve come to the conclusion that getting more sleep is actually causing me more problems than not getting enough sleep. I know that’s odd, but hello it is me we’re talking about here—weirdness is like my middle name.

I’m going to test my theory tonight but staying up until about midnight and getting up at five, which I have been trying to do for the past few days and have failed miserably at. Typically for me, 6 hours of sleep is enough and if I get more than that I am sluggish and slow and just down right boring (see: yesterday’s blog)—so we’ll see if my little switch up works and if it does, I guess when I do have kids, I’ll be good to go, right?

Now, that I’ve managed to (hopefully) crack the code on my little problems, let’s move on to more pressing issues, shall well? And when I say, pressing, I mean pressing¹.

So lately I have been visiting a lot of blogs in an attempt to network and share my awesomeness. The one thing I find that has annoyed me the most is stumbling on a blog post that’s more than 300 words and full of drab. I’m not even kidding guys. If your blog is more than 300 words and just talks about mundane every day things without humor or at least sex to keep me interested, I stop reading– generally after the second paragraph and then bitch to Jenn about how boring it is and move on.

I mean I get it, not everyone has my stellar abilities at keeping the masses entertained, so word of advice, if you don’t have those skills or at least have not yet quite perfected it: boring, mundane, every day shit should be kept at 300 words or less—less if you’ve managed to make me want to jump out the fucking window out of sheer bedroom within the first few sentences².

For a great example of the type of blog I’m referring to, see my blog post yesterday. That was full of FAIL, I’m woman enough to admit it, but I needed to blog about something to keep up with my daily blogging ritual so you got boring, unentertaining crap—and for that I apologize, but hey at least I made up for it by posting a blog that is now full of win³.

So now that I’ve managed to stroke my ego to the point of orgasmic portion, let’s recap shall we? Boring, mundane, every day shit that I clearly don’t care about should be limited to 300 words or less unless it’s humorous or full of sex—and by sex, I mean good sex because boring, mundane sex is much worse than every day, mundane, shit because come one its sex! It takes a special, kind of someone to make sex boring and come on you don’t want to be that special kind of someone—do you?

Now that I have yet again managed to make a seemingly sexless blog, about sex—let’s remember minions, by decree of the Queen all boring, mundane, every day blogs should be kept to 300 words or less unless it is humorous or full of sex⁴; so the Queen has spoken and so shall it be…

or else⁵.

1. It’s pressing because it happens to annoy the shit out of me.
2. I suppose you’d have to know what qualifies as boring right? If I’m not entertained, it’s boring.
3. Agree or die.
4. The good sex remember? Not the boring, mundane sex.
5. My guards will hunt you down and make you pay for your treason!