Day 11: A Sister is a Little Bit of Childhood That Can Never Be Lost

Sep 30, 2010

I grew up with two sisters, though I have three. I say two, because they were the sisters who experienced the joys and the pains of our broken family the most severely¹ and understand just how traumatic our childhood was. My youngest sister whom I love so much, never got to know the pain that we endured. She never got to see our parents at their worst, which for her sake was probably better. We’re not bitter about the things we endured as children, it actually formed a bond between us and we were and are forever known as the “Greer Sisters” because of it.

The eldest of the four of us is Pamela or Pam. She was more like my dad and because of this the older she got, the more they disagreed and fought. It was to be expected, because the more qualities you have with another, the more common it is for you to dislike them².

Pam was what we referred to as the glamorous one. In same ways my sister Rhonda and I were a little envious of her for her popularity and for her beauty. And I think it large part she [Rhonda] and I always grew up thinking ourselves inferior and unpretty because Pam was often the shining star– not only amongst her friends but also amongst our parents and as a result, she [Rhonda] and I formed a closer bond as we got older, while Pam kind of did her own thing.

Our childhood together was one that I remember with sadness mixed with joy and filled with pride. We were sisters. Young and naive, but we bonded together over the commonality of our dysfunctional family. It wasn’t uncommon to see us all dressed alike and we played together a lot. The older we got though, the further Pam drifted, until finally one day she decided she could no longer live under my dad’s house and left us, the way our mom had.

We were devastated and for a long time I think we resented her for her choice, but she did what she had to and for that I cannot fault her.

Rhonda, is the next oldest. She was in every sense of the word, our mother. She cared about us so much that she sacrificed quite a lot of her life to make sure that we were taken care of. She was always there to defend us and to shield us from the things that hurt. Rhonda was our rock, even before Pam left.

There isn’t a day that goes by in which I’m not thankful to have had her become the mother, my mother never could be. She stepped up without provocation and when it wasn’t her responsibility to do so. I can only hope that when we have kids I can be the mother she was to us. She was and always will be the one person I run to when I don’t have anywhere else to run.

Jasmine, is the youngest and I think in a lot of ways the odd man out. She was born 8 years after I was and as a result, growing up she was treated as the baby, the innocent. While it’s true she didn’t grow up with a mother, I can’t help by wonder if she was better off considering the mother we had. I love her to death and she’s grown into a wonderfully capable individual, but I often worry that my dad baby’s her too much and what that could result in.

Even now I find it odd to be able to hold a conversation with her because I always flashback to her being just a little girl who was obnoxious and who I wanted nothing to do with and yet now that I’m older I appreciate her more and love her more. She’s become the jewel we all protect in some aspects because we never had that protection growing up.

I love all of my sisters dearly and my biggest fear is losing one of them. I could not fathom how I would even beging to continue with my life without their presence. Yes, we have our disagreements and yes sometimes we want to throttle each other, but I consider myself lucky because my sisters mean the world to me and I don’t think I could have gotten through the life we lived as children without them.

I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. – Maya Angelou

1. We grew up essentially without either parent.
2. See Kristen and I.