30DoT – Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
The hero that let me down was my mom. I was eleven years old when my world came crashing down and it wasn’t until I was twelve or thirteen when I realized that my mom had never loved me as much as I loved her. Disappointment after disappointment resulted in a need for me to build a wall around myself to protect my heart. It’s a sad thing when a child of only twelve feels the need to protect herself. It’s an even sadder thing to realize at such a young age that the idolization you have for a woman who should feel the same way, doesn’t.
My sisters are willing to dismiss her behavior because of her past. Because of what she went through growing up but I only see it as excuses. While I may not have gone through as much as she did, I still went through a lot and I made the decision to be better than what others expected of me. I made the choice to seek a path that would ensure a better future not only for myself but for my future children. Her past isn’t justification for the type of woman she was and it certainly doesn’t excuse her actions. All it does is make me realize that she wasn’t strong enough to rise above the expectations others had of her and honestly, that doesn’t make me hate her anymore; it only makes me pity her which is worse.