The World Stopped- I Didn’t Know What to Do

Apr 21, 2011

I can tell you with almost 99.9% absolute certainty that this week has been one of the most frightening, hellish weeks I have every had to experience. It took every ounce and measure of strength I had to not break down into a dribbling mess of tears and nerves.

Flashback to Monday afternoon. Everything is fine right? Well at least I assume it is, until I receive a phone call from Robby which went something like this:

Him: Do we have $200 in the checking account?
Me: Why?
Him: Okay do we have $500?
Me: Why? What’s wrong?
Him: Well, I just left urgent care because I was experiencing chest pains and I—
Me: What do you mean you just left urgent care? Baby, why didn’t you tell me?
Him: Well, I didn’t want to worry you until I found out what was wrong.
Me: Baby, I am going to BEAT your ass! How would you have felt if I had done that to you?! You should have called me!
Him: I didn’t want you to worry and it’s different with you.
Me: No, it’s not.
Him: Well, the doctor said he didn’t think it was anything serious but if it was his brother or sister, he’d tell them to go to the ER. I tried looking for one but I couldn’t find one. So do you think I should go? Do we have the money?
Me: The money is in the USAA account and how are you feeling?
Him: Well, I have a fever and I just want to go home and sleep.
Me: Okay so there isn’t one in the area?
Him: Well I just found one a few miles from where I am.
Me: Go to the ER.
Him: Okay. I’ll talk to you later, I love you.
Me: I love you too.

Least to say I was PISSED. What is it with men and their ass backwards way of thinking? In any event, he spent about 7 hours at the ER and we were under the impression that night that he was going to be sent home because when the ecg machine spit out the results of his EKG, everything appeared normal. The last batch of testing was the CT scan and we all thought it would come back fine.

We we wrong.

The CT results revealed a cyst on his heart and the doctor thought he might possibly have an infection in his heart, so they admitted him because they wanted him to talk to the cardiologist in the morning. By that point obviously I’m trying not to freak out and we stopped by to see him and he looked like crap.

We got home that night and I cried myself to sleep. Not silent tears but a choking, desperation that he needed to be okay cry. Least to say, I slept terribly and woke up the next morning feeling as if I had not slept at all.

Tuesday rolls around, he talks to the doctor and they give him more information, advising that fluid has built up around his pericardium and they have two options they can treat with antibiotics and discharge him or they could operate and send him home with antibiotics. Either way the surgeon had not decided and it wasn’t until a few minutes after Kristen and I arrived that the surgeon came in to see him.

He ended up deciding against the surgery because Robby wasn’t displaying the usual symptoms that result in chest pain due to a build up of fluid around the heart. He wasn’t gasping for breath, the veins in his neck weren’t enlarge and he “looked quite comfortable” according to the surgeon, so surgery was ruled out, however they decided to keep him another night for further observation.

Obviously, I’m relieved but still worried considering this means we have absolutely NO idea what is causing his chest pain. Wednesday rolls around and I get a text from Robby telling me he’s more than likely getting discharged. Several hours later I get another text telling me he has bad news and he may end up staying another night because the cardiologist failed to inform his nurses and his physician that he intended on doing a angiogram which means Robby wasn’t supposed to eat– which he had been.

Around 6pm, I get another text from Robby asking if we could get him at 8pm. Apparently they were able to do the angiogram and a cardiac catheterization which put his right hand out of commission for the next several days. They didn’t find anything abnormal other than mild carditis which still does not account for the chest pain.

He’s home now and still in pain, though not as badly as he was before. He is due in for a follow up in 2-4 weeks, but again the issue is not finding the underlying cause of his chest pain. As it stands he is on pain killers but that obviously isn’t a long term solution to the problem. So yes, this week has been incredibly stressful and while I’m relieved that he’s home, I’m still worried about his condition and I hate that we can’t figure out what’s causing it.

So now it’s Thursday night and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open due to pure exhaustion. I’m not sleeping well because I’m worried so I’m waking up every few hours in a panic, thinking he needs me. Thankfully my mother in law will be in town on Saturday so I can at the very least get some rest. I’m running ragged and it’s taking everything in me to keep pushing forward.

I’m praying to the Goddess that he recovers and the inflammation in his heart is the cause of his chest pains because this means the medication he’s taking (anti-inflammatory) will remedy the problem. If it doesn’t, I honestly don’t know what we can do. No one knows what is causing his pain and I don’t know how much longer I can push myself like I have been, though ultimately it doesn’t matter because he needs me.