Betrayal is Common For Men With No Conscience

Aug 4, 2011

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: What would you say to the first person who ever broke your heart if you were given the chance?

Unlike most individuals my first heart break didn’t steam from an ex—though it did steam from a relationship, a relationship which for most is one of their most important in their life. For me it was the one that broke me completely and utterly and one that I hope no one else has had to experience.

If I were given a chance to truly tell the first person who ever broke my heart what I felt, I would probably ask why? Why did you decide to walk away from your family, from your kids and pick your friends? Were we not worthy enough, was there something so wrong with us that you could no longer stand to be around us or was it all just a big game to you? Let’s see how long I can stick this out and then BAM, one day you decided you were over it.

If I were given the chance to express my feelings and thoughts to my mother without the fear of vulnerability I would say to her, “At one time I idolized you. You were the sun in my sky and there wasn’t a single thing I wouldn’t have done for you and yet—that unconditional love was something you never reciprocated. You could have been a great mom but you made the choice to be something else entirely.

As much as my sisters want to credit your behavior to the issues you had when you were younger, I can’t. Why? Because of free will. We all have the ability to at one point to recognize that we can choose how we want our life to turn out and what path it is we choose to travel. I did that myself because of you. When I recognized I had a choice—I choose to be better than what you were, what you are.

Your behavior is not excusable because you had a shitty pass and I want you to know that who I am now, the woman I have become is partly because of you but don’t brag about it because every attribute I dislike about myself is due to you, every attribute I deem as good is because I didn’t want to be like you.

That’s the legacy you have to take to your grave and I hope that it was worth it. I really do.”