Jenn the Recruit has 87 comments 
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It’s Just Not the Same
Jan 8, 2012
I’ve been fairly absent the last few weeks and while I could blame it on my busy life, which is certainly a factor, I have to admit that the internet is just no longer the same place for me. What I used to have interest in has waned and I have no desire to participate in some of the activities that made the internet so entertaining and exciting for me. I think in a sense I’ve kind of grown past a lot of the activities I once thought I would never be able to live without. Forums no longer hold an appeal for me and I find that I’m not as interested in sharing parts of my life as I once was. In a sense, blogging now is what it once was and should have always remained: therapy.
It’s serves as an outlet to deal with and perhaps also deconstruct what I’m not capable of doing out loud. It provides a place for my thoughts, however dark or insecure and yet in a lot of ways it is serves somewhat as a sanctuary, though I am still hesitant to share the deepest parts of myself for fear that it will be used against me. Last weekend we cleaned out the garage and I ended up stumbling on a journal I kept in my youth. Reading through the pages made me realize just how much I have changed and how much I have grown. I was such an angry and hateful youth that I often wonder how I managed to become the person I am today. I suppose a lot of that was based on trial and error– both in my relationships and the decisions I made which have lead me to where I am now.
Life has been nothing but a journey for me. I’ve made friends and lost them. Fallen in and out of love and have constantly changed and grown both in good and bad ways. I’m becoming more responsible in my decisions and of what I expect when and if I should ever raise a family. I’ve come to accept in some measure that I may never have the opportunity and rather than feel sad or depressed about it, I recognize that could be the cards that I am dealt.
The hey to life is perhaps not to try and control it, rather to instead to react as best as you can to whatever it throws your way.
Jan 9, 2012
My blog isn’t for others to enjoy though. It’s for me. So I won’t just write about happy and optimistic things because ultimately its my sanctuary. I’ll probably start utilizing my protected posts more often so I can still write about what I want but share my thoughts with those I believe wouldn’t use it in a means to hurt me down the line.