A Love Story

Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don’t become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones…

They say in every life there is one great love and one great heartbreak– I’ve experienced both. In order to fully understand how I found my greatest love you must first understand what lead to my greatest heartbreak.

My Greatest Heartbreak

My relationship with my ex-boyfriend was completely unexpected and unplanned. To be perfectly honest I wasn’t looking for a relationship– I just wanted to get out of high school alive.

Upon meeting Emilio, I was intrigued by his mysterious nature but not enough to pursue my curiousity. We went through the majority of high school barely talking to each other, let alone acknowledging each others presence. So how did we manage to end up together? Simple. I’m a sucker for lost souls.

Emilio and I began talking when a mutual friend of ours, Neva who he happened to be fooling around with, drew me into their little game. Emilio was completely infatuated with her, so much was the case that he was cheating on his girlfriend (who at the time was in Las Vegas) with her.

Neva started to confide in me about all the things that they had done and revealed to me that she had no interest in Emilio at all. He served as her rebound for a guy she wanted but could not have. Feeling sorry for him, I started to talk to him to try and get into his head and possibly warn him. I knew how much he cared about her and it broke my heart to know that she was playing him.

He started to confide in me about his feelings for her and the way she made him feel. I listened patiently and did my best to give him the best advice. When Emilio found out Neva’s true feelings or lack of feelings for him he was completely devastated. He did the only thing he could do, he ran back to his girlfriend, who’d just returned from Las Vegas and begged her to take him back. I knew it wasn’t the best idea, but I also knew there wasn’t anything I could do to change his mind. He was afraid of being alone and instead of being fair to his girlfriend, he was selfishly looking out for himself.

As angry as I was during my senior year of high school, prying him away from his girlfriend became a game for me. As sadistic and as treacherous as it sounds, at the time I really could careless. I was angry and hurt and well, you know what they say– misery loves company. Although all the blame can’t be placed solely on my shoulders. Emilio played into my games without a second thought as to how it would effect his girlfriend or his relationship and honestly I enjoyed the fact that I was able to manipulate him so easily.

Of course, he denied that I’d be able to make him betray her again. He insisted he’d changed, but I knew better and I intended to prove that. We made plans that if he didn’t take his gilfriend to prom we’d have sex that night. I was still a virgin as was he, but I wanted to choose who I lost my virginity to, on my terms with no feelings and no attachments so I couldn’t be left hurt and broken, if things didn’t work out.

As time went on, things begin to progress between us. We were both trying to fight any sort of emotion we had for each other, but we were both failing miserably. During that time Neva sent out invites to her 18th birthday party and we were both invited. The theme was based on pirates so I decided to dress like a whore (fitting I know). Neva’s party was pretty much a bust so Emilio and I decided to go exploring. Apparently that wasn’t such a good idea because Neva ended up getting pissed at us for it so I decided to get some fresh air by going out front just to clear my head. Emilio decided to follow me out and we ended up taking a short walk down the block. As we were heading back up, he stopped me and hugged me. I was a bit confused because it came out of nowhere and the next thing I know he says, “I figure if they’re going to assume we’ve done something, we might as well…” and then he kissed me. I was startled at first but then I let go and let all the pain and frustration, the hurt and anger out in that kiss. From that moment forward, things weren’t the same.

We talked more often, passed notes in each of the 3 classes we shared, snuck off for make out sessions behind our friends and his girlfriend’s back. We grew closer and we still insisted on fighting any emotion that was slowly but surely building up inside of us. As the school year ended and prom grew closer and closer, we started talking more and more about our plans. Emilio found out his girlfriend couldn’t go, so we prepared ourselves for what we knew would happen that night.

Finally, the night of prom arrived and he and I arrived only to discover the name of the room prom would be held in was the “Marina Room” which ironically happened to be the name of Emilio’s girlfriend. Just as we got in line his girlfriend walked up and they spent all of prom, except the last 10 mins, arguing. I refused to let that get me down and I had a great time even with Marina’s unexpected arrival, and essentially the loss of my prom date. After prom ended, Emilio and I took off and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We ended up losing our virginities to each other in the front seat of a car in a Carl’s Jr parking lot (I know classy, lol) and from that day forward things changed.

The following Monday, I did my best to ignore him. I didn’t want to speak to him nor did I want anything to do with him (guy, much?). Imagine my surprise when he showed up in my lunch area and started to eat lunch with us. I was completely taken aback when I saw him because he normally spent his lunch hour with Marina. Later that night, I went over to a friend’s house to work on a lab and she told me that Marina had broken up with Emilio which is why he was eating lunch with us. She was surprised that I didn’t know and when I found out, I was beyond freaked. This changed the dynamic between us severely. This meant he had no attachments and I had no idea where that left us.

The next morning he passed me a note and we started to talk. I asked him why he hadn’t spoken to me the day before and he said it was because it felt like I was avoiding him. Reluctantly I confessed that I was and I asked him how he was doing, given his break up. He told me he was fine and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to continue with the relationship we currently had. I admitted to him that I was afraid because I wasn’t looking to get seriously involved and we both came to the understanding that we’d continue but still in a casual capacity… of course that casualness didn’t last for long. We continued to have our fun, even proceeded to have more sex, but one night things changed.

My sister and I decided to go out clubbing on a Wednesday and as much fun as I had, I wanted desperately for Emilio to be there. That’s when I knew that I’d done what I promised I wouldn’t– I’d fallen for him. The next morning, I relived my night of fun and dancing to my friends and once class started Emilio slipped me a note admitting that he was jealous of the guys I’d danced with the previous night. I then confessed to him that I wished he’d been the one I was dancing with and then he proceeded to ask me to be his girlfriend.

From then on things were amazing. I fell faster and harder then I ever had for anyone and our relationship continued to get more and more serious. He confessed to me that he loved me, but I wasn’t ready to hear him say it, nor was I ready to say the words back. He understood and waited patiently until the night I was ready– that night was Graduation Night. He called me to say goodnight and as he proceeded to hang up whispering “I love you” and before I could stop myself the same words had slipped from my mouth and that solidified our relationship.

Things seemed to be perfect between us. We fell more and more in love with each other and even planned to attend the same college. However, as time went out things started to fall apart. I discovered I didn’t have the funds to go to college so we planned to run away together. However, once his mom discovered our plan, she immediately contacted my father and we agreed that he would continue on to college and I’d stay behind, go to a community college and then join him in Riverside.

The summer passed far too quickly and it hurt to be away from each other. My father suspended my telephone rights so we weren’t able to communicate as often as we liked. When I reached my breaking point and ended up in the hospital, things in our relationship changed. I ended up going up to see him and never returned home. When I left Riverside I moved in with a co-worker and we ended up getting a place together. Emilio and I were okay for some time but as time went on, his interest in keeping our relationship alive started to dwindled. He was more concerned with playing World of Warcraft and making his mother happy then he was in sustaining what he had.

I ended up reconnecting with Marina and apologizing for the things I’d done to her and for the way Emilio and I had treated her. We talked several times and confided in each other about our relationships and the men we loved.

As time went on Emilio and I started to drift further and further apart. I spent all my days off taking a Greyhound up to see him and whenever I asked him to do the same, he’d throw a big fit and I’d end up in tears. I started to close myself off to him because I spent most of my nights crying over his lack of caring for the relationship we shared. It was like I didn’t exist and as much as I loved him, he just didn’t care.

On the night of Marina’s graduation, I was visiting Emilio in Riverside so his roommate, Rovee offered to drive me back down so we could attend her graduation. Emilio was supposed to join us but he wasn’t able to make it back down in time, so after the ceremony Rovee, Amerlyn (my best friend), Celine (another friend), and I decided to get dinner at Applebees. While we were there we talked about driving down to Amerlyn’s house and drinking. I’d never ever had alcohol but at that point I no longer cared so we all headed down to Amerlyn’s place.

My first shot was a shot of Hot Damn, which probably wasn’t the best thing to do as it was 100 proof and I’d never consumed alcohol in my life. I was buzzed within 20 mins, if not less and was drunk by my second drink (yup, I was a complete lightweight). Rovee was also just as gone as I was. We ended up crashing on the futon downstairs which wasn’t really the brightest thing because we ended up kissing and came fairly close to having sex until I sort of snapped out of my haze and realized what I’d just done.

I immediately ran upstairs to Amerlyn’s room and bawled my eyes out to her. At that point her cousin woke up from all the commotion and did his best to comfort me. Rovee was absolutely distraught and we both know we’d hurt someone we cared a lot for. The next morning, I was a mess. I knew I had to tell Emilio and I also knew that it would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

At about 11 the next morning, I called Emilio and I confessed to him what I’d done. He was absolutely devastated. He told me he’d speak to me later because he didn’t have the capacity to deal with what I’d just told him. I hang up with tears streaming down my face, hating myself for what I’d just done.

We didn’t speak for a few days and when he finally called me and what he said broke every piece of my heart. He said that he needed time, time to sort things out and that he needed a break. I, of course, completely understood but it didn’t change the hurt, or the pain that crept inside every crevice of my body, heart, and soul.

A week passed before I heard from him again. I had mentioned in an e-mail that I had an interview with the Denny’s up in Riverside, but I wasn’t going to go because I didn’t have a place to stay. He ended up offering to let me stay with him and I gladly accepted. When I saw him, I didn’t know what to expect. I certainly didn’t expect a hug, yet that’s what he greeted me with. We ended up back in his dorm room and we talked for a bit and he admitted that he was afraid to see me because he was afraid all he’d be able to see was me with Rovee. The next thing I knew he was kissing me and asking me to be his girlfriend again. I was taken aback but at the same time I was thrilled. I still loved him and he was still very much apart of me. We ended up getting back together, though looking back it would have been best if we hadn’t. Things changed that night with Rovee, we changed, and there really was no going back.

My Greatest Love

I met Robby very briefly while I was still dating Emilio. This was before I’d cheated on Emilio with Rovee and before our relationship had progressed to being unsalvageable. Amerlyn’s cousin decided to have a little gathering at Tapioca Express and so we all headed down just to hang out. I remember the moment Robby walked through the door because the first thing I noticed was his bike helmet and the first words out of my mouth were, “You ride a bike?” And he responded by saying, “Yes.” to which I countered with, “You so owe me a ride.” That was the last thing I said to him that night.

The next time I saw Robby was the night before Amerlyn’s 19th birthday party, once again at Tapioca Express. Robby, Amerlyn, and I all got together for some Boba and we all ended up talking. Robby casually brought up the incident which happened the last time I drank, surprising me because I didn’t realize I’d become such a controversy. I shrugged it off and took on the, it is what it is, no sense in crying over spilled milk attitude. We talked awhile longer and my interest in Robby piqued, however I knew nothing could happen between us. I was with Emilio, as unhappy as I may have been and I could not pursue the interest I had in Robby.

The following night was Amerlyn’s birthday and also the night I got to ride on Robby’s bike. We were all having a great time, laughing and joking, and I even felt confident enough to have a few drinks. We ended up playing 10 fingers, in which we both were out fairly early. This only served to heighten our interests in each other, but as I stated previously there wasn’t anything that could be done about it. I was taken and I wasn’t going to walk down that road again… or so I thought.

Robby and I ended up crashing on the futon downstairs, although I didn’t get much sleep since he was snoring… kind of ironic, because I don’t get much sleep now, lol. I got up at about 7am that morning and Amerlyn, Jassamine (her sister), Robby, and I decided to hit up IHOP for breakfast. I ended up ordering a steak for breakfast because I assumed that I’d be paying for myself but when the bill showed up Robby refused to let me pay (the jerk). Following breakfast we decided we wanted to have a bonfire, so we ended up going to several different beaches to see if they had a fire pit available. After a fruitless search we decided to hang out at the beach and then have a bonfire at Robby’s house.

Robby and I were flirting hardcore with each other and I discovered that I’d started to feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Happy, loved, wanted. It was so amazing to be able to feel that way again and I fell just a little bit for him that day. After the beach we all headed back to Robby’s house for the bonfire. I managed to convince Rovee to drive down from Riverside to join us and when the festivities started, he ended up getting smashed. After what happened between us previously I made sure to keep my drinking to a minimum so we wouldn’t have a repeat incident.

I ended up taking a breather from everyone and heading out front to try and clear my head. I was conflicted in a way that I hadn’t been for a long time. I knew I could fall for Robby but I was still with Emilio– yet I was confused because Robby managed to make me feel something I thought I’d never be capable of again. Robby ended up following me out front to check on me and then we headed back to the backyard with everyone else.

Since no one was capable of driving we all ended up crashing at his house. Robby set Jassamine up in his mother’s room and then he lead me to his bedroom where he offered me either the futon or the recliner. He also said that the bed could be folded out to give me more room if I needed it. I ended up taking the futon, while Robby lounged on the recliner and we sat in silence while I thought. I was still very confused and conflicted and finally after about 30 mins, I guess something in me snapped because I asked Robby to unfold the futon and he took that as an invitation to climb in with me. He held me on his chest and kissed me on the forehead to which I responded by tilting my head up and full on kissing him. One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. It’s something I won’t ever regret.

I awoke the next morning and thought to myself, “Fuck. He is not a one night stand kind of guy.” and I wondered what the hell I’d just gotten myself into. That day we all went out to eat and I knew immediately when Robby put his arm around my waist that I was in big trouble. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I knew that I liked the feeling he was giving me.

After about of week of spending time with Robby, I finally picked up the phone and called Emilio. I explained to him all the reasons I was unhappy and I told him I thought it would be best if we remained friends. I didn’t want to tell him about Robby until I saw him face to face but I was never given that chance. When Emilio found out he was devastated but I told him I was tired of being the only one who put all the effort into our relationship. It hurt to hear him cry but I knew it was the best thing for us.

At that point I knew I didn’t really have anywhere to go since Riverside wasn’t a feasible option. Unfortunately, Robby’s sister refused to let me stay with them so I ended up having to stay with Emilio. Robby and I decided we’d be best as friends at that point and he took me up to Riverside where I stayed with Emilio for several months. During that time we fell back into our usual pattern and Robby and I stayed friends. When Memorial Day came around, Emilio did something that proved to me our relationship was doomed. He had to go home for the weekend and refused to let me stay at his dorm. Since I didn’t have anywhere to go, Robby told me he’d come get me and I could stay with him. I was leery at first because I wasn’t sure this would fly with Emilio and to my surprise, Emilio agreed. Instead of fighting for me and making sure I didn’t return to the man who I’d had relations with, he let me go. It was from that moment that I knew things between us were over.

When I got back down to Robby’s house, he was a complete gentlemen. He didn’t pressure me to do anything and didn’t expect anything out of me either. During my stay down there, I started to realize that there was someone right in front of me who would never take me for granted and never let me get away– it was then that I contacted Emilio and told him we were over. He’d broken my heart time and time again, and while I admit I’d broken his twice, it came down to the fact that he stopped caring and so did I. Emilio begged me to come up for at least week so he could see me. Feeling sorry for him, I agreed and so I returned to Riverside. I’ll admit that during my stay up there he changed and showed me a side of him I thought he’d long lost– but a part of me also knew that he had changed for the moment and would revert back the instant I caved. It was hard for me to come to such a realization but I knew in my heart that the love we once had was a love long lost.

The following week Robby drove up to come get me. I still didn’t have a place to go and I was in the process of talking to my mother about letting me stay with her until my permanent residency card came in and I could get a job. Weeks passed by and then months and I still hadn’t gotten a confirmation from my mother. I felt absolutely defeated and unwanted. I had no place to go and I wasn’t sure just how long I had before Robby’s family decided it was time for me to leave. Surprisingly though they never questioned me and continued to let me stay with them. Robby and I had a discussion some time later and it appeared as if he wanted me to stay and so from that point forward I did. His family let me stay with them no questions asked, free of charge and that is something I’ll always be grateful for. I was treated like family even though I was far from it.

Moving in with someone so early in the relationship definitely effects it in a way that is unexpected. Instead of getting closer, Robby and I grew apart. I was still trying to get over Emilio, which he knew and I wasn’t quite ready to open myself up, so I pushed him away and he did the only thing he could do, he let me.

We hardly ever had sexual relations and I’ll be the first to admit, I wasn’t ready to give myself to him that way which is why more often then not, I’d rebuff his advances. Amazingly though he didn’t ever pressure me and he never got angry when I refused. He was patient and understanding and stuck by me when most guys would have tossed me aside. Yet even through all that, I wasn’t able to see past my own pain and my insecurities and so I continued to close myself off and refused to let him in.

Finally after about 6-7 months of pure awkwardness and the inability to communicate, I started to open up to him because I was finally letting go of Emilio. Our relationship blossomed like a flower in the spring and our love, caring, and understanding for each other grew just as fast. As time went on I fell deeper and harder for him and I wondered how it was I was above to exist the way we had. Finally after 10 months of being together, we took a trip to Hawaii and professed our love to each other. 3 months later Robby proposed and 9 months later we were married.

It hasn’t been an easy road for us since we got married. I’ll admit that there was a time when I wasn’t quite sure we would make it and yet after what most would have thought on unforgivable act on my part, Robby still saw something in me, in us that he was willing to let it go and move forward. He still loves me without question, though I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t deserve it. He sees in me, something I still don’t see in myself, but I love him and after a long, hard few months I know that we’re going to make it and we’ll be stronger for it.

My love life has been one full of hurt, anguish, deception, and realization, yet I know it lead me to where I am today. To who I’m with today. Robby had ever reason to walk away from me, yet he didn’t. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the one person who’s always stuck by my side. So, whenever someone ask how I know he’s my greatest love, I smile and say, he saved me, when I couldn’t save myself.