Life lately has been interesting. I’ve made some new friends who have managed to preoccupy me from work and made my day a little more bearable. I’m listening to music again, something I used to love doing but stopped for some reason or another. I can’t really say. Either way, this is one of my favorite songs from Kate Voegele. Definitely worth giving it a listen.

So the story goes on down
The less traveled road
It’s a variation on
The one I was told
And although it’s not the same
It’s awful close, yeah

In an ordinary fairy tale land
There’s a promise of a perfect happy end
And I imagine having just short of that
Is better than nothing

So you’ll be mine
Forever and almost always
And I’ll be fine
Just love me when you can
And I’ll wait patiently
I’ll wake up every day
Just hoping that you still care

In the corner of my mind I know too well
Oh that surely even I deserve the best
But instead of leaving
I just put the issue to bed
And outta my head

Oh and just when I believe
You’ve changed for good
Well you go and prove me wrong
Just like I knew you would

When I run out of second chances
You give me that look
And you’re off the hook

Because you’re mine
Forever and almost always
And I’m fine
Just love me when you can
And I’ll wait patiently
I’ll wake up every day
Just hoping that you still care

Oh, what am I still doing here?
Oh, it’s all becoming so clear

You’ll be mine
Forever and almost always
It ain’t right to just love me when you can
Oh I won’t wait patiently
Or wake up everyday
Just hoping that you’ll still care

Forever and almost always
No it ain’t right
To just love me when you can, baby
Ain’t gonna wait patiently
I won’t wake up everyday
Just hoping that you still care

Let’s face it– my last few blogs have been meager– to put it nicely and as per standard I’m full of excuses as to why, but I won’t get into that. Instead, let’s do a brief update on what’s been going on the past few months.

Work is… well it’s work. It’s frustrating and tiresome and there are days when I simply want to just lay in bed under the covers and never come out. I suppose we all have days like that at some point, unfortunately I find that I am having many more days like that and recognize that it is probably time for me to take a break but truth be told, taking a break only prevents me from completely and utterly breaking down; it doesn’t actual solve the underlying issue but I digress.

Life is, well life. Nothing overly interesting, other than Robby and I having our house back again. No more roommates, just us. It’s nice, actually. I thought I’d be miserable and lonely but honestly? I love it. Plus there’s the fact that I get to walk around naked again; though if I’m honest I haven’t actually been really doing it that much. I guess I’ve just gotten used to having to dress in the morning so it’s hard to break that habit.

It’s probably a good thing as my little sister has plans to move in with us this summer and continue her education out here. I’m excited actually. It’s kind of funny that growing up I hated her and thought she was obnoxious and bratty but I find that now that she’s older we have quite a lot in common and we seem to understand each other’s interests better than the other members of our family. It’s probably one of the reasons she chose to move out with us over my other sister. Nonetheless, I can’t wait!

Let’s see… what else?

Oh! Robby and I are trying to get pregnant. This month’s the first official month but I have a feeling that with my increase stress level it’s just not going to happen. I did make some changes in my diet though. I no longer drink caffeine. I am eating more fruits and vegetables. I have stopped mixing carbohydrates with protein 95% of the time and I am trying to gain weight; though unsuccessfully because I have not yet gotten back to drinking my nutritional supplements which seemed to help me in the past. I’ll start up again eventually but I’m just trying to get my body re-accustomed to eating 3 meals a day again since I have the tendency to snack throughout the day killing my appetite.

Overall, I’d say I’m 80% satisfied with my life. A lot of the dissatisfaction is a direct result of things I cannot control at work but I’m hoping eventually that will change. I would promise to blog more but I’m not going to pretend that’s going to be the case. Life tends to get ahead of me sometimes; more often than not.

I seriously never win anything and because of that I never bother entering for anything because honestly, what’s the point?! But when I saw this amazing give away sponsored by Sparkling Reviews, I just couldn’t NOT enter– so wish me luck! And hey you can try your luck to and enter!

So given all the commotion that’s been happening in my life the last few months, new dog, bigger responsibilities at work, school, and new housemates¹, I haven’t really had a chance to announce the newest member to the Beckman pack.

Sadly, it’s not a baby but she’s still very cute, regardless!

Meet Jinx

Well, this is what she looked like when we first got her which was the first few weeks in October². But this is what she looks like now…

And she’s not even full grown yet.

I’m fairly certain I’m going to cry when she is…

But in the meantime…

Isn’t she just precious?!!!

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to balancing my personal life, work and blogging I pretty much fail at the concept. Often times I am so wrapped up in work that I do not touch my personal computer until the end of the work week which is odd for me. I used to be the type that had to constantly check my blog, Veracity, and Facebook on a daily basis and now? I’m lucky if I even get a day where that is the case. It’s beyond frustrating but I just don’t know how to balance life, work, and the internet.

What worries me even more is that I plan on returning to school in January and I know that is only going to make things worse. Any ounce of free time will be devoted to my school work so I’m at a loss as to what I should do. What works for everyone else? How can you balance family, work, and life alongside keeping your blog active? How do you manage to have enough time for “real” life and your internet life? What tips and tricks can you offer me?

I’m really contemplating going back on a routine which if anyone knows me knows I hate routine. I’m an Aquarian and repetition does not bode well for me but I kind of feel that I don’t have a choice at this point. Maybe I should start making a point to wake up at a specific time every morning so I have time to eat breakfast, walk the dogs and do my daily internet tasks. I just don’t know. It worked for me when I wasn’t working a morning schedule but I’m not sure if it will now unless I start waking up as some G-d awful time in the morning.

All I know is that I miss my internet life and I miss the connection I had with some individuals and I miss some people I’m close to on the net, period.

So what do I do? Help!

This entire week I have been pretty much MIA. Work was insane, more than usually and the last thing I wanted to do after working all day is remain on the computer. Instead, I’m likely to quickly check e-mail and then hop off and cuddle with Robby before falling asleep and then rinse and repeat. I know my life is so exciting right? You don’t have to flatter me– I recognize my life is actually quite sad, I’ve accepted that and embraced it, lol.

I got good news this month coupled with some bad news. We’ll start with the bad news only because it’s polite¹ to follow bad news with good news so…

The car died on us. We don’t know what’s wrong with it, just that the engine died in the drive thru and when Robby took it over to O’Riley’s to have the battery tested it was bad so he replaced it and then set up an appointment to take the car in the following morning. Well the next morning on his way there the car died again and he had to call a tow truck to tow him the rest of the way. They need to examine it and then let us know if our warranty covers it. We’re hoping it does because we really don’t want to chuck out hundreds of dollars to get it fixed so I guess we’ll have to see.

On to the good news! I ovulated– not that I had problems with it, well not officially but it was a concern because we’ve been having unprotected sex for years and haven’t gotten pregnant so that alleviated some of my fears. We’ll just have to go from here and see how this pans out. I know it can take some time so I’m just going to go with the flow and let nature take it’s course. Wish us luck!

I’ve decided to forgo the rest of Veracity‘s blog-a-thon because I merely do not have the time to keep up and honestly my posts were becoming more quantity than quality. I thought I’d be able to actually commit to it this month because I taking time off from school but it seems that where there is no school to pre-occupy what should be my spare time, work takes over instead. My hours should be 9:30am-18:00 MST– I can tell you I’m usually in around 8:30am and leave about 19:30-20:00 depending on what is going on and what needs to be done. It’s gotten to the point where my work-aholic husband is yelling at me because I’m still working when he gets home and generally long after that. My life of late consist of eat, work, sleep– rinse and repeat. And yes, I am working partially on my days off as well– fun right?

Unfortunately, I don’t expect any breaks until probably mid October IF I’m lucky. It’s so busy right now and there’s so much to do and it feels like I can never catch up. I start one thing and thing I’m making a dent and then something else crops up. It’s to the point where I have just stopped hoping I’ll make any sort of progress. One thing on my list of things to learn which is pretty much a MUST is how to build out pivot tables in excel. Robby is going to teach me so I can be more effective on the job and take some load off of a co-worker who does the majority of the reporting. I do what I can but I am limited because I don’t have the knowledge when it comes to Excel. I know some things– like being able to recognize corrupt data or forumlas and fix it but beyond that I’m just a deer in headlights.

My life is just fascinating right?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

Weekly Theme: Photo a Day
Daily Prompt: Show us your ideal vacation spot. Why is this your ideal vacation spot?

I have been to Hawaii once before¹ and I can tell you that hands down of all the places I have ever been to it is the most magical, most breath taking location. It was strange to feel like I was on a completely different planet even though I wasn’t really that far from home.

We confessed our undying love for each other in Hawaii so it will ALWAYS be special to me.

Weekly Theme: Photo a Day
Daily Prompt: Show us your dream house! Either draw it, find a picture of it, or compile a picture of it through an editing program. Why is it your dream house?

I honestly don’t think I really need to say why this is my dream home– the picture says it all! Enjoy!

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: How has having a website and being involved in online communities and forums changed your life? What do you think you’d be doing online if you never got into making websites or online communities?

I’ll be the first to admit that my history with meeting people online hasn’t been the best. I’ve run into situations with those I thought were friends only to find that wasn’t the case and I was being used. As a result I’m a little more guarded with who I let into my life and despite all the pain I’ve had to endure, I don’t regret my presence online or the fact that I am involved in communities– with the good comes the bad.

First and foremost if I had not decided to reopen one of my now deceased message boards, I probably never would have met my best friend and because of this I am so fortunate for the internet. It allowed me to meet and get to know someone I would never have had the chance to do so if the internet didn’t exist. Jennifer has been one of the best motivating and supporting forces in my life this past year. There is so much that I have been there, so much that I have discovered that I do not know what I would have done if I didn’t have her to lean on. I love her so much and am so appreciative of the friendship we have.

I’ve also had the opportunity to connect with a few other people and while we may not be as close as Jenn and I are– I foresee that given time that could change. The internet has really afforded me the opportunity to make friends much more easily given that I work from home. I have met some amazing people and learned so much about myself as well. The girls and guys at Veracity are an amazing bunch and it still amazes me that we can just get on Skype and start talking and chatting about our lives like we’ve known each other for years. I love it and I am so fortunate to have such a great community to turn to. Truly and sincerely the internet has changed my life for the better and because of that you’ll see me around these parts for many more years to come.

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What are some of your must have programs on your computer? For those with smart phones or tablets, what are some must have applications on your devices? List no more than 5 for each.

There are several programs that are necessary in order for me to feel comfortable with the computer that I’m using. If it is missing even one of the items listed below, it feels incomplete and I feel absolutely and totally uncomfortable using it. Probably the main reason I’m not really able to get into my Macbook as much as my PC– because there are a lot of programs I cannot port over or work differently in the Mac environment.

• Photoshop CS 5
• Some type of FTP program (my preferred is AceFTP Pro)
• Google Chrome
• Trillian
• Some type of music program, preferrably NOT iTunes

I obviously have more– however we were limited to 5 so I just listed the first 5 that came to mind given how tired I am. As for my smart phone, to be honest I don’t really have any applications that are an absolute necessity. I would be quite content with my phone if it didn’t have some of the apps it does. Maybe that’s weird, but with my phone the standard is enough for what I need.

Weekly Theme: Online and Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What inspired you to create your personal blog? What continues to inspire you?

I first sought out blogging as a means of a release. It allowed me to get out all my feelings and emotions without having to verbalize it to those around, something that even now I still struggle with. Writing is an escape for me. It allows me to get lost without my emotions and let the thoughts I have, the feelings I feel tumble out without preparation or hesitation. When we speak, we guard the things we have to say. We subconsciously edit the words that escape our mouth because we’re taught that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say it all and thus we censor.

Writing is different. It allows us to be a little more open, share a deeper piece of ourselves without necessarily feeling completely vulnerable and raw. You do not have to see the look on the faces of those who read your blog as they read it– whereas when you talk to someone, the reaction is there for you to see and ultimately affects you even if you deny that it does.

There isn’t a whole lot that continues to inspire. I write because I can, because I need to write. I am the type that over analyzes or recounts conversations and actions over and over again and my blog serves as a brain dump for me. Eventually what I’d like to do is expand on my content. Blog about recipes I’ve tried or projects that I have picked up and even start utilizing this place as a photo dump. Will that happen? Eventually. When will it happen? When the muse strikes me.

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: When you log on the computer what do you normally do? What sites do you visit?

I don’t really have a daily routine per say because it varies on the day and depending on what’s going on with work. Sometimes I need to immediately jump on and log into my work computer, other times I can surf the net on my personal computer before I have to be in work. It just depends.

If I am on my personal computer the sites I generally visit right away are:

• Yahoo Mail
• Hotmail
• Veracity

And then whatever else happens to strike my fancy during that time, lol. I do not check my Gmail because that goest directly to my phone so the first thing I do in the morning after shutting off my alarm is go through my eyes which admittedly isn’t the best idea when I’m half asleep. Either way it works, lol.

So there you have it my not so awesome daily internet routine.

If you are logged in you have not been granted the necessary user rights to view this content. If you have any questions regarding your level of access, feel free to contact me.

If you are logged in you have not been granted the necessary user rights to view this content. If you have any questions regarding your level of access, feel free to contact me.

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What is a website that you admire? Why do you admire it? Feel free to list 3 websites you admire, but no more.

Okay, so I admit it, there’s not many on my list or really any on my list of websites that I admire. I’m too ADD and get distracted too easily or bored and usually move on. The fault is my own though because I’m a lazy reader and often times if the blog entry is more than 300 words or the blog writer utilizes small font, I’m like eff this shit and get distracted by the next shiny thing that flits across my screen¹. It’s because of this that feed readers do not work for me. I see 45674816548946467489 new updates and my typical reaction is, “Fuck that.” -closes reader-²

I should probably feel badly about this but to be perfectly honest, I don’t. I do not have enough hours in my day to sit down and read a full blog post³– hell I don’t even proofread my blog posts before hitting publish- yes, it is that bad.

Now, admittedly this is typical for me BUT that does not mean I NEVER sit down and make it through blog posts, I do– I’m just more selective in what I finish reading and what I don’t, because let’s face it my schedule doesn’t allow me to read EVERY single blog I stumbled upon and even less time to admire people for their websites. Now, I suppose it would have been in my best interest to lie and list random sites I admire but I didn’t want to stroke anyone’s ego unjustly. And besides I’m valued for my honesty so I figured I’d be honest: I’m a lazy reader⁴ and that’s not likely to change any time soon.

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What are some gadgets you can not live without? Why? List no more than 5!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a HUGE geek when it comes to gizmos and gadgets. Depending on the item, I will either wait to purchase it or get it right away¹. Either way I do have this tendency to find out what is being released and if I have any viable use for it or if it will be just a money dump which isn’t worth my time. Despite my little obsession there are only a few on my list to which I honestly believe I could not live without.

• Queen. That’s the name of my Dell XPS Studio. Truly and utterly she means so much to me. I have forged many friends because of her and she also affords me with the ability to find a release through blogging, watching DVDs, and listening to music. She is my muse when I am without inspiration. Without her, it’s likely I’d spend the majority of my time reading.
• Nookie. Speaking of reading– my Nook Color is next on my list. While it’s try that I do not get to spend nearly as much time with him as I’d like– he is still one of my most treasured companions. He affords me the ability to slip away into another world, become another person if I so choose to be.
• angsaysrawr. My iPhone or really my cell phone. While it’s true I do not use her much for talking, I do use her to text and stay in touch with family and friends who do not utilize instant messengers. Along with that she is my music player, my ultimate expression without the need for words. She is my lifeline and my connection to Robby when he’s away on a business trip. Without her I would be truly lost.

These are my three most valuable gizmos and gadgets and the ones I could not do without. Take away all three of them and I would be lost to darkness. Take away one of them and I could probably survive– they afford me a luxury, reality cannot– an escape.

Weekly Theme: Online & Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What was your first ever website called? What was it about? How long did you have it?

It’s kind of ironic that my first website wasn’t actually a blog. My intent started out that way but it changed along the way. The title of my first website was “Mirror Image”. It was a sub-domain hosted on a friend’s website. At the time I felt I could truly relate to the name because I felt like I portrayed a different image to those around me and kept the real me bottle up. The name was fitting but then I became obsessed with Harry Potter and ended up converting the website into a Harry Potter clique– you know when cliques were actually the thing.

I don’t think I had the website very long because it wasn’t every popular. It was, of course, at the time contending with a lot of other Harry Potter cliques and fansites and the competition was much more graphically inclined then I was. Still, it was nice to be able to openly express my geekiness and fandom with those that had the same interests as I. I still can’t believe just how long it’s been– it’s kind of crazy to contemplate but at the least I enjoyed this little trip down memory lane.

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: What are some things you do when you procrastinate?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a huge procrastinator. In fact if I’m not procrastinating there’s a problem. I do, however, try and ensure that my procrastination does not prevent me from completing projects, etc on time.

Some of the things I do when I procrastinate are:

• Nothing
• Read
• Watch TV Shows
• Facebook
• Stumble Upon
• Sleep
• Take on new projects that I can also procrastinate on

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: What are some of your bad habits?

I am a cesspool of bad habits. If I am not practicing one bad habit, another is taking it’s place. I’ve kind of come to accept this fact about me because honestly, I’ve tried to break them and well, 1, it’s too much work and 2, I often forget after some time and revert. Yeah, yeah I know I could probably do it if I really put my mind to it– but as the title says, the worst bad habit I have is work and that takes up most if not all of my time.

1. Expletives is my middle name. To be perfectly honest I do not really see this as a bad habit but I guess others can be put off by it¹ so I suppose it’s a bad habit in their eyes. Growing up cuss words rarely left my mouth because my father was totally against them and I was terrified he would beat me into the next century if he heard me using them, lol– though ironically² I still feel that way when I’m around him. So what started my use of expletives to express my annoyance and irritation? Enter Robby, lol. Yes, my potty mouth was inherited from being around him and his family. At this point I just don’t fight it anymore. I mean honestly– what’s the fucking point?
2. Biting my nails. This is one of those habits that I have attempted to stop and have been successful but then revert because it bugs me when dirt is easily trapped under my long nails. This is also the main reason I can’t stick with acrylic nails for very long. I cannot deal with the dirt, lol.
3. Shutting down. I am much better at this now then I was years ago but I have the tendency to shut people out or hold back my feelings to the people I love. Years ago it was much worse but it is still something I struggle with at times.
4. Sabotage. I’m a self-saboteur. If things are going well in my life for a prolonged period of time, I have the tendency to fuck it up. Now I do not do this purposely but subconsciously. It’s like my self destruct button gets triggered and there’s no going back. I’m much better at cleaning up the messes I make now but that isn’t always the case.
5. Disregarding what others say in favor of my own opinion. Again, something that was really bad years ago but another aspect that I have continually worked on. I still have some work to do but considering where I started, I’m pretty damn proud with how far I’ve come.
6. Inability to accept compliments. If you compliment I immediately thinking your lying or being a smartass. I doubt this outlook is going to change any time soon.
7. Picking up the slack. I get yelled at continuously by Robby because I have this “get er done” attitude when it comes to work even if it means I’m killing myself. He gets upset because he says “that’s not your job” which technically is true but I recognize that someone needs to do it which further infuriates him because that someone shouldn’t be me. This is one of my bad habits, working too hard and too much BUT it’s not one that is going to change. At the least people value my work ethic.
8. Being far too self-critical. They say you’re your own worst critic. I surpass that statement by miles.

These are just some of the bad habits I have which I have either worked on improving, tried to break or just accepted it for what it is. I’m no means perfect but I do have to say that I’m proud I can recognize my faults and admit to them when many cannot or just outright refuse.