Always Remember It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn

Feb 25, 2010

Last night was probably one of the crappiest nights of my life. I’m currently taking Fundamentals in Programming Using Algorithms and Logic and I’m not doing that great. Currently I have a C+ which for those who know me, is crap in my eyes. This class though, has been the hardest class I’ve had to take and as a result this is the second time I am taking it. Anyway, last night I was completing the homework assignment that was due (a peer review) when I happened to re-read the syllabus and realized that the assignment I turned in last Sunday, I had turned in incorrectly. I was supposed to post it in my individual forum as an attachment, however for some reason I goofed and posted it as post. This is a 90 point assignment. I resubmitted the assignment as an attachment last night; however if the instructor chooses to dock me on points (which I would understand if he did) the assignment would be 3 days late and I have no idea what points I would be entitled. If that is the case, it will drop my grade significantly, which means I will have to earn as many points if not all the points on my upcoming assignments to pass the class.

My biggest concern is the final, as it is worth 250 points. I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up royally on that and as a result fail the course and have to dish out $1,035 to retake it. I had a break down after the fact, went into the bedroom and cried. Robby sought me out and consoled me and we talked about a lot of things. One of which was that we were going to sit down on Saturday and work through my final, second of which is to get more serious about blogging and freelance writing so I can bring in a bit more money for us and eventually, hopefully start doing some product reviews like Jenn. I found out today that we are no longer allowed to jump (work when they’re busy and need extra people) so my decision to cut my hours to 20 hours to avoid having to work until 8:00pm, has backfired and as a result, the only way I can make up the hours is by picking up shifts. There are a few people who are willing to let me do this, however I’m not sure how long that will last once they see their paychecks. It’s frustrating and as a result I am frantically looking for a job that will work, given our situation. For the most part I have given up on the at home jobs as it seems the pay isn’t substantial enough to sacrifice a commute for (at least not until Robby starts making more money). In addition my working in town would mean that Robby and I can carpool which means it won’t take him as long to get to work or as long to get home– though that in itself is a problem. We only have one vehicle so I am limited to jobs around where he works, that are based around the same hours. It’s frustrating to say the least but I’m not giving up!

I have also decided to get more serious about web and graphic design. Years ago it was my passion. Now? I’m lucky if I open Photoshop within the month. I am determined though to see this through. I’m currently relearning CSS with the help of Whitters, who has been so kind to elaborate and explain what I do not understand. I am actually surprised at how quickly I’m grasping it; though that’s all in theory. We’ll see how it goes when I’m actually coding a WordPress theme by hand without referencing other site’s coding as examples.

Next on my list is PHP. I bought a book before we moved out here because I wanted to learn but have only picked it up once or twice, if that. I know it’s bad but I get so easily discouraged as I am so used to picking up on things rather easily that when I am not able to do so within a few tries, I give up. It’s a bad philosophy which I am attempting to change and given my new found attitude I think I will be successful. So my list of things to do and hopefully I will have accomplished some or at least started some by the next time I blog:

• Relearn CSS
• Design and code a WordPress theme freehand
• Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator- use them, damnit!
• Learn PHP

And most importantly… pass my fucking class. *facepalm*

I’ll miss you like crazy; I’ll miss you being my baby; tell me when you’re coming back home

Nov 15, 2009

Today has been a good day. Robby and I went and had Tippanyaki and also went to B&N so we could use the 25% off coupon that expired today. We had a good time and I discovered my love for Tokyo Iced Tea! So yummy.

I’m sad though because he leaves on Saturday and it breaks my heart. I don’t do well when he goes away. Seriously. This is why he could never been a truck driver or do anything that meant he’d be away from me for long periods of time. I don’t sleep well and usually end up with about 2-3 hours of sleep at most. Ugh, I’m so sad. The last time he’s been away from me was when we moved out here and that was the hardest thing ever. I hated it. Bleh, I am not looking forward to this– not at all. =(

So I started to work on crafting jewelry and I’m pleased with the results. I still have a lot to learn but a lot of people liked what I made so I’m hoping once I get good enough I’ll be able to sell them relatively easily but we’ll definitely have to see. I don’t think it should be too much of a problem though.

Alright I’m going to finished my drink and postwhore some more on Ecstasy– activity has been awesome these past few days!

I’m spiraling down the rabbit hole, not knowing where I’ll actually end up.

Nov 12, 2009

I am so incredibly exhausted that I nearly went to bed without blogging which would have ruined my streak. I’m glad I stopped to think about it, otherwise I would have probably been pretty upset over it. Today was just bleh. Actually this whole week has just been bleh and I don’t know why. I’m not sure why I can’t put my finger on it but all I know is that I don’t like it. I think part of it has to do with my frustration at work and my disappointment that despite the fact I moved departments to get away from my old department, I’m still forced to take calls from that department. It’s beyond frustrating.

They keep telling us it will just be until the call volume increases because it’s a new division, but I guess no one stopped to think how the fuck that’s going to happen when we only handle 3 call types and the rest get transferred elsewhere. Explain to me how our volume is supposed to increase if our responsibilities don’t either. It just doesn’t make sense.

All I know is I’m glad that tomorrow is Friday. Having to get through work is going to be like pulling teeth, but at least once I’m done with it, I’ll have the weekend to recoup. We don’t have any plans, except maybe to stop by the bead store in town so I can pick up some chain to make bracelets, but other then that it’s going to be a mellow weekend which is exactly what I need.

Though now that I’m reminded, I wanted to look on Craigslist for a old junkard desk to have something to use for my crafts. I think I’m going to go do that now.

Don’t complicate it by hesitating; come on tell me what’s the sense in waiting?

Nov 11, 2009

Today was a weird day. Or maybe I just felt that way I don’t know. It was just a strange day. I don’t think going to bed at 4:30 in the morning and then waking up at 10:00am helped, but I did managed to power nap for an hour so that helped some. We’ll see what time I end up crashing today. Hopefully I’ll get sleepy around 1ish, but I doubt it.

It was a pretty mellow day today. I didn’t do much. Work was offering voluntary time off, so I took it because I’m trying to get as many days of peace before the holiday season kicks in full force. So not looking forward to that at all. Hopefully it’s over soon. At least I can cross my fingers and hope, heh. I’ve become quite the addict of Farmville. It’s terrible because I’ve been avoiding it for so long, but got sucked in somehow. Oh well. At least it’s one more thing to pass the time!

Oh my beads should arrive tomorrow which means I can focus on working on trying to get better at the jewelry making. It’s not as easy as it looks– especially when you have to make loops! Those are the hardest, but I am determined to be successful at it! I also plan on taking up baking when the New Year starts. I really want to get into it and start making my own stuff so that will be one of my resolutions I suppose. I think it will be a good one.

Robby graduates from school next year and it seems like it’s taking forever. Lol. Maybe that’s because baby fever has hit me again and I want my own little bundle of joy. Ugh, I hate when I get like this, it’s terrible. Especially since I have to wait, which sucks, but I do understand the logic as to why I should. It doesn’t make it any easier though. =( Oh well, that’s life. Alright, I think I’m going to watch V since I keep forgetting to set the damn Tivo to record it.

I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me.

Nov 7, 2009

So today has been an eventful day. Robby isn’t too great with the planning so he failed to get everyone’s numbers who said they’d be coming to the BBQ and as a result we weren’t able to call the majority of them so now we have an over abundance of food and waaayyyy too much alcoholic. I keep forgetting he’s not so good in the planning department. I’ll have to remember this in the future.

Julie, Mike, Nicole, and Mike ended up being the only ones to show, but still we had a great time. I’m sitting next to Julie now, sipping on my Alabama Slammer, and looking up baking sites. I think our project for the next year is to learn how to decorate pastries as we both want to. Hopefully that will work out, but we will have to see.

It’s only 10:00 pm and I’m exhausted. Sheesh, I forgot how draining rushing to clean the house and entertaining can be. Either way, I still had fun, even if we only had 4 people come over. It was nice and comfy and I enjoyed it.

Alright, I am going to have Robby make me another slammer and then try and see if I can look at some beads and other bakeware goods. I am determined to start this and see it through. I just hope I don’t eve up before I can try.