Feb 19, 2010
So I spent all day coding this theme and when I say all, I mean all.. well mostly. I think I started around noon and was semi-distracted by other things, but still, it took quite a bit because I’m super picky, but I really do like how it turned out. Sure, it’s simple, but I find that now a days I am enjoying simple much more than I did before. It’s not a bad thing I don’t think, I suppose it could be worse, but still, simple seems to suit me. I am still tweaking the damn Flickr stream– for some reason, despite all my efforts the borders refuse to show, but other than that I am pleased with it. I also managed to get all of my pages fixed and turned off comments on them, which I’ve been meaning to do, but have been much too lazy. I also removed my portfolio, mostly because I found I didn’t really update it so there was no point in having it there. Maybe one day when my creativity returns once more and not in spurts as it tends to do.
I had the past week off from week as a means to just recover. I have been so burnt out and I really needed to just take some time to refresh. I’m sad that it went by so quickly, but I did my best to not over exert myself. I still need to clean the house which I fully intend on doing tomorrow (no excuses damnit!) and then I think my funk, well at least I hope my funk will be over. For the most part a lot of those I know have experienced it and I’m not sure why. It seems to have caught on like the fucking flu which thankfully I have never had. Instead I just sink into bouts of depression that threaten to claim my sanity and I wonder if one day I will be able to fight my way back from the edge. G-d, I sound morbid.
Last weekend was my sister-in-law’s reception in San Diego. I would say I enjoyed myself, but to be honest, it was a bit drab. It was nice to catch up with old friends, but the reception itself was lame. I actually ended up crawling into bed at about 8:00 because I was bored out of my mind. Is that mean to say? Lol. She looked gorgeous and it was good to see her, but I don’t think I would have shed a tear if I had missed it, though if I had then we would not have had such a great laugh at the expense of Robby’s aunt who thinks she knows everything. No one can stand her, I mean NO ONE. She sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong and it drives everyone crazy. Case and point: my mother-in-law tells me Sunday morning that Helen said, “Angie was really flirting with Robby’s friend.” I look at her and say, “What the fuck?” and she laughs and says, “Brion!” To which we all start cracking up. Why you ask? Because Brion is gay. We all love him to pieces and all giggle like girls with him, which coincidentally was exactly what we were doing when she said we were flirting. Of course when Robby’s mom told his aunt all she had to say was, “Ohhh, that’s why.” What’s that saying again? When you make assumptions, you make an ass out of you and me, or in this case her. Retard. Lol.
In other news, I turned 24 on the 17th. I got a ton of Facebook wall messages, texts, and phone calls, to which I pretty much ignored. Don’t get me wrong I thanked everyone who wished me a happy birthday because it is appreciated, but I just don’t get excited about my birthday. I despise getting treated extra special one day of the year when in all honesty, everyone should be treated extra special every day of the year because tomorrow is not promised. You never know when you will wake up and the people you love will no longer be there so rather than cherish them on one day of the year, cherish them always, life is too short for anything else. I know it’s probably a cynical way to look at it but I view it as realistic; though I’d rather be viewed as cynical than wake up and regret that I never took that extra step to tell those I love that I love and appreciate them. I never want to be that person with so much to say when its too late to say it. So if I leave you with anything tonight, it’s food for thought, love and appreciate those with you now, for once their gone, they may never know how much you did.
Feb 11, 2010
Today turned out to be a bit more tolerable. They’re allowing me to start the new schedule on Monday, Feb 22nd which means the work I did to have my shifts covered wasn’t wasted and I got an e-mail stating the hours they’d originally e-mailed me was incorrect meaning I got my hours back and am back to working 30 hour each week. Even so I’m not okay with working nights so I e-mailed the head of the department advising her the latest I could work was 1:00-7:30 EST, so we’ll see what happens.
All I know is I’m looking forward to having nine days off and hopefully putting some distance on the whole matter will help. I suppose we’ll have to see. Well I’m off to read and try and get some sleep. We have a long drive tomorrow that I am not in any way, shape or form looking forward to.
Feb 10, 2010
Today proved to be one of the most aggravating days I have had in a very long time. Oh, it started out well enough, however two and a half hours to the end of my shift everything went to hell and I decided it was time to look for another job. Most know that when I had moved to this new department my hours were originally M-F 3:30-10:00 EST, which wasn’t all that bad as I’m two hours behind EST so my hours translated to 1:30-8:00. The problem however with this shift was that it was preventing me from doing a lot of things and also meant Robby had to spend 2 hours after getting home from work being quiet and taking care not to disturb me. It frustrated him and it frustrated me so I asked for a schedule change to 11:00-5:30pm EST, which meant I was off at 3:30 each day and also meant I could get a lot more done.
Now as it was the night shift was already short staffed and I was surprised that they allowed the shift swap, but also quite grateful. However, after hearing my success at changing my schedule, another co-worker who worked the night shift also asked to have her hours changed which I was quite certain would not be approved and I was wrong. I had talked to my supervisor regarding this matter during our one on ones and how they needed to do something to balance out the morning and night crew, because I often felt bad at how slammed the closers got, being as I was one of them.
This morning when I logged on to work, I busted ass to get as many hours of my shift covered next week as my sister-in-law has a wedding reception in San Diego that we have to attend this weekend and my birthday is on Wednesday and I normally take the day of and after off and decided it didn’t make since to work Friday and then have Sat/Sun off. I was feeling pretty accomplished by the time lunch hit until it all went to hell in a hand basket.
After waking up from my brief lunch nap, I received an e-mail stating my schedule had been changed to 4:00-10:30pm EST, effective February 15th. I was livid. Not only had I spent a lot of time and energy attempting to get my shifts covered the following week, but I also was not allotted enough time to make arrangements to adapt to the new shift. In addition, our HOOPs1 are 9:00am-10:00pm M-F and now I’m forced to stay 30 mins past HOOPs and lose out on 5 hours of pay each week? Um, no, I do not think so. I immediately PCed my supervisor regarding the matter and she said she was going to send an e-mail to the head of the department regarding the matter as when I had originally agreed to move to this new department I was told HOOPs and agreed to them. I did not agree to stay past 30 minutes, nor did I agree to the lessening of hours. I’m pretty infuriated by the entire thing and have thus commenced a more serious job search than the one I had started.
Don’t get me wrong for the most part I love my job and I adore (almost) all the people I work with, however I do not appreciate how I have been treated, considering how hard I have worked for the department to help ensure its success. I deserve more than 3 days notice for such a huge change and I certainly deserve more than the treatment I have been given. Here’s to hoping that I find something quickly, something I enjoy, and something that pays well.
1. hours of operation
Jan 18, 2010
Those close to me know me as the woman who will tell you exactly what I think, despite the fact that some may perceive my comments as mean or unkind. Those who are close to me also know that this is how I show I care. What I say, despite the fact that it may hurt is never done intentionally, rather in a way to ensure that you are capable of viewing certain truths (let’s face it most of the time we’re blind to them) that you’ve chosen to ignore or just aren’t capable of seeing. In the same regard, I expect the same from those I consider friends and those I am close to. I would never want anyone to feel that they need to sugar coat or “protect” me from what is true. I need to be able to rely on my friends and family to tell me what the deal is, regardless of how it hurts because it’s the only way I can ensure any decisions I have to make are based on fact and that I grow as a person. The problem with this outlook is that those who aren’t capable of understanding the reasons behind my attitude often label me as a bitch– which to be honest, I don’t actually care about. I’d rather be a bitch than the person who told you something to make you feel better, when really the best thing for you and everyone involved was for you to hear what most refused to tell you. So hey, call me a cold-hearted bitch, it doesn’t effect my sleep any, in fact, baring the manbeast in my bed who snores like no other, I sleep quite fine. 
Yesterday was the last day of my ethics course, which let me just say thank G-d! Seriously. I bullshitted my way through that entire course because the material was all fluff. I had a final due last night that presupposed that I lived in a racialized community (I don’t) and made the paper exceedingly difficult to write. Thankfully, I’m a good bullshitter and managed to pull 100% out of my ass, which meant I aced the class. Now I am currently in week two of the class from hell (Fundamentals of Programming with Algorithms and Logic) which I’m hoping I do much better on this time around. So far I have a 100% in the class, but that could change depending on how well or how terribly this week’s assignments go. Though on a better note, I am finally utilizing Outlook’s calendar and have started to put my assignments on there to ensure that I have no excuse for turning anything in late. Now let’s help I can stick with it and pass the class with at least a C. I’d say B, but I think that’s a bit optimistic, lol. We’ll see though.
I haven’t been feeling very much like myself lately and I’m not sure why. I’ve been pretty down the past few days and Robby has been worried about my mental state. I wish I knew what the deal was because it’s frustrating when he asks what’s wrong and the only answer I have for him is an “I don’t know”. Hopefully, it’s just the hormones throwing me out of walk and I’ll be able to regain my footing within the next few days. I really am over the depressive episodes, even if it gives me a reason to watch Friends as that seems to make me feel slightly better. Blah, we’ll see I suppose.
Alright speaking of Friends, I think I’m going to watch some as I haven’t watched any all day. Our DVD player has been in PMS mode so I’m going to watch it out in the loft. Hopefully, the next time I blog, I won’t be so bloody drab. 
Nov 26, 2009
I’m bitter and frustrated and angry at the stupid text messages that I keep receiving from people wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. Oh yes, I’m happy alright. Happy to be at home, alone, because my other half is half way across the damn world. Yeah, I am super happy. Not. So stop wishing me a happy day because it is not happy and every time I get a text message or an IM or a call wishing me a happy day, it just makes me that much more depressed, so how about you do me a favor and just STOP. Mmk?
In any event it’s so funny to think that a year ago, I was a complete mess, my marriage was in danger of crumbling, and I was so confused I didn’t know what to do. Now though, looking back, I can see how much I’ve grown, how much Robby has grown, and how hard we both worked to make it through the impossible for most. So this year, I think what I am most thankful for is our want to succeed and our realization that we shared something so incredible it wasn’t worth giving up on. I am so fortunate to have him and to have all my friends who’ve been there for through so much. So this is my thank you to the ones who were there when I needed them, the ones who stepped back to let me figure it out on my own, and to my husband, who despite my faults and my mistakes, has loved me more at my worse then he has at my best because it shows me that he loves me the most when it counts and when I need it. I am so lucky.
There, happy now? You got my thanks, now leave me the eff alone.
Nov 24, 2009
I do not know what is wrong, but regardless of how much sleep I get, I still wake up absolutely exhausted. What’s odd though is I’m not tossing and turning, it hasn’t taken me forever to fall asleep at night so I have no idea what it could be. Perhaps my subconscious is politely reminding me that Robby isn’t here by not allowing me to actually get rested. It’s bothersome, but I’m coping.
Today was much better than yesterday work wise. I got stuck again in e-mail which was perfectly fine with me after yesterdays fiasco. Today they have 5 voluntary time off slots available which isn’t as bad as before, but I have a feeling that will increase tomorrow. Our call volume was beyond dismal when I was on the phones, course that will probably change once Black Friday hits, but still it’s actually quite pathetic.
After my bath today I dug around until I found a clean Robby shirt and am now wearing it because it smells like help which helps a little. We talked yesterday for 3 1/2 minutes, which cost us $3.25 but it was worth every cent because I needed it. Tomorrow is Wednesday and this week feels like it is dragging. I have Thursday off because of Thanksgiving, joy, get to spend that alone, and then Friday I am work 3am-7am and then 1:30pm-8:00pm. Why? Because I need the hours. This VTO shit is not working out.
Well, I’m off to go do something. What, I don’t know. I just feel so blah and I really am not up for doing anything– largely in part because my other half is halfway around the world and there’s not a damn thing I can do about.
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