Protected: Learning Pains

Jan 30, 2012

If you are logged in you have not been granted the necessary user rights to view this content. If you have any questions regarding your level of access, feel free to contact me.

Shopping Plans?

Jan 24, 2012

In a few short weeks, I’ll be visiting and finally meeting my bestie, Jenn! I am so excited and can hardly wait. We were supposed to meet years ago but a wrench was thrown into our plans and so we had to postpone so I’m really, really excited about this trip. Plus it will give me some time away from work which I desperately need. I know when I get back I’m going to be super stressed but I think it will definitely be worth it.

When we get out there, even though I detest it, I think I may go shopping with her. I want to get her a gift for her pregnancy and figure we can check out some discount maternity dresses or just some stuff for the baby. It’s crazy how many people are pregnant now a days. I can hardly believe it. Either way I am super excited for Jenn and her latest addition and cannot wait to meet her and her son. I’d like to go out when the baby is born but I’m not sure if that is possible so we’ll have to see.

Here’s to a few more days!

Made A Wrong Turn Once or Twice

Nov 8, 2011

Last night I got to thinking– about a lot of things really, a moment of epiphany which made me realize the importance of this year’s festivities in light of the coming holiday. I’m not a perfect person and have never claimed to be. I make my fair share of mistakes, probably more than I’d like to admit but my heart has always, in most situations, been in the right place.

I’ve caused my fair share of hurt and experienced that same hurt in return but I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and through the mistakes of others, enough to know and recognize who it is I want to be and the lessons I hope to one day instill in my progeny.

I’ll be the first person to admit I have a lot of trust issues, more than I’d like to admit and more than I care to show. It takes a lot for me to give my trust, even more so to prevent the pessimist in me from believing those close to me will inevitably hurt me and I’ll end up alone; as a result I wield my trust as my only weapon to protect myself, once earned, I trust freely, without hesitation but should that trust every be broken, even if I should forgive the one who broke it, it’s never fully restored and things as much as I’d like, do not ever return to that of which they once were. Instead, I begin to question a lot of things, doubt my self, and withdraw into a place where I can no longer be hurt. Such is the hurt I’ve had to endure and such is the result of the actions of others. Nothing is ever as it seems, a lesson that I learn time and time again.

With that being said, I find that this year, I am most thankful for the ones who have not broken my trust. Who’ve given me no reason to doubt or question motives or even question my own.

I am not one with many friends, very few in fact but I’d like to think that the friends I do have, the people I have chosen to surround myself with, most in distance places, these are the ones who I can trust with my secrets, with my pain, and with my tears.

It is within the darkest hours when you find who your true friends are; I am fortunate that I have a few true friends, when some have none.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you’ve already figured out

-Lifehouse

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Jul 12, 2011

This past weekend Robby and I celebrated our 4 year marriage anniversary and his 28th birthday. We had a blast!

Saturday we headed over to a friend’s house and had an impromptu BBQ which was absolutely yummy! Sunday we woke up ass crack early in the morning to get ready to finally go tubing down the river which had it’s high and low points.

The Good: We had a great time and it was nice that for the first time since we’ve been out here, I actually had people to invite. It didn’t rain like the weather had predicted and the water wasn’t freezing like I had initially thought it might be. We got there at a fairly reasonable time and didn’t have very much difficultly loading everything on to the bus.

The Bad: As we were floating down the river, we were able to hit the side of a rock so Robby used his left hand to push off. As a result of that, his wedding band got stuck and slid right off his finger. I was pretty bummed considering it was the day before our anniversary, but I let it go for the time being. No sense crying over spilled milk and I knew if my mood darkened his wood as well.

The Ugly: We hit a pretty big rapid and we probably would have been okay had people been listening when we asked them to paddle right. As a result we ended up crashing into a group of people who’d already crashed into a log in the middle of the river and I was the first when to flip. When I popped up back, it was pure chaos. I had to essentially grab onto the nearest tube and hold myself in place because the current was so strong. Meanwhile, our tubes had flipped including the coolers we’d taken and the contents along with them. We ended up letting the current take us down until it was calm and pulled over to the side as we waited for Robby and our friend Mike to join us down river. We lost everything except for a few jello shots and thankfully the waterproof bag we’d taken that had an airtight case with all our cell phones. Hell, even the lid to the cooler flew off– though we did recover that at the very end.

During the chaos, Lisa’s leg got caught in some of the rope that we used to tie the tubes together and it wrapped around to the point that it caused bruising and swelling. I somehow managed to twist my ankle, though I didn’t notice it until the alcohol started to wear off towards the end of the trip down the river. It hurt like a bitch!

All in all the trip was fantastic. We learned a few things from our experiences and already have decided on who to invite and who not to invite the next time we go. Robby, of course got sunburned and I tanned like always =P.

Monday, Robby and I went to go see Bad Teacher which wasn’t as funny as we’d had hoped it would be. Basically, $5 dollar bin that sucker, lol. Afterwards we ate at Kobe’s and then hit up Fascinations were I got a really nice black corset that he absolutely adores. We obviously had sex and then crashed for the night around eleven.

Overall it was a great anniversary weekend even with the loss of his ring. He had a great time, I had a great time and we had an awesome time celebrating our 4 years and his birthday. Hmm… wonder what next year will bring.

She’s Alive…. Alive!

Jul 8, 2011

Yes, I live. I’m not quite sure how well I’m living, but I am. Work for the most part has been kicking my ass. I’ve taking on a lot more responsibility and still taking on responsibility so as you can imagine my time is limited– especially when you throw school in the mix.

Speaking of school… next week is my last week. Yes, you read that right. My last week. I cannot even begin to explain how happy I am about this. True, it’s just my associate’s but I need a break. I big fat, dead to the world break. Of course the time I’m not in school is most likely going to be replaced with more time to work BUT it’s nice not having to get off work and worry about completely a homework assignment. It’s worse because I’m a closer so you can imagine that the absolutely last thing I want to do after I’ve just worked a 10 or 12 hour day is sit down and write a paper… but thankfully that will be ending soon– well at least temporarily.

Other than work and school, I really haven’t been up to much. I am making more of an effort to try and make friends out here¹ and have actually met some of the people I work with. It’s nice though to be able to talk to someone who can relate to my frustrations about work and just overall have someone to vent to. Plus even if she lives an hour away and is nearly twice my age, we think the same and have a lot of the same viewpoints ². We are actually heading out there tomorrow and then Sunday, assuming it doesn’t rain we’ll be going to the river, FINALLY, lol.

Monday marks Robby and I’s 4 year marriage anniversary. It’s crazy to think it’s been that long already. It just seems like yesterday when I was trying to figure out wedding invitations and getting ready to move out to Arizona. It seriously doesn’t feel like we’ve been out in AZ this long but numbers don’t lie. Either way, we’ll probably grab some dinner and spend some quality time together– if you know what I mean *wink*wink*.

The one thing that has changed a lot during the past few weeks is that Jenn and I haven’t been talking as much which makes me sad. I misses my bestie! She’s been busy being OCD about her house³ and I’ve been overwhelmed with work and school. Hopefully things will start calming down for the both of us. G-d knows I need it… badly.

Protected: Sometimes Your Best Friends Are Really Just Your Enemies in Disguise

May 9, 2011

If you are logged in you have not been granted the necessary user rights to view this content. If you have any questions regarding your level of access, feel free to contact me.