If You Want To Live a Happy Life, Tie it to a Goal, Not to People or Things

Aug 2, 2011

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: Describe in detail the goals you have for the month of August. List at least 5.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not much of a goal person. I understand and recognize the value in goals BUT I’ve never really been the type to set some– probably my undoing, if I’m honest. Last month I made the decision to start creating monthly goals for myself¹. I think if I have something to focus on, it’ll only help me in the long run and it will provide some time of purpose which I find is one of the things I struggle with. I figured that by having monthly goals this will help alleviate any negative energy or doubts about the life I lead. It’s not much but it is something and really isn’t that all we ever need?

1. Renovation: Pull out the carpet in the loft and put in laminate flooring. Set up my new desk and reorganize the loft as well.
2. Time Off: Stop working so hard and actually take some time off. Even if that time off is spent renovating the loft and completing other goals, it’s not time spent working– which I do too much.
3. Eat Better: Now that we are focused on trying to start a family, I need to refocus on my eating habits and overall health. I’ve already made the decision to stop drinking and now it’s time for me to expand on that.
4. Quality Time: Spend some quality time with Robby. As in a get-a-way, even if it’s just for the weekend where it’s just he and I, out of the house, focused on each other.
5. Wire Jewelry: Resume this project and actually focus on honing my skills.

Well there you have it. 5 goals for the month of August. Here’s hoping I can accomplish at least some of them. Wish me luck!

Every Man is An Island

Apr 10, 2011

Or at least that’s how it seems for me. Why you ask?

Simple. I’m unlike those around me. For the most part I am surrounded by friends and family members trying to lose weight while I am fighting a battle to try and gain weight.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s hard and it’s lonely and each time I’ve started this journey I’ve given up because I haven’t had anyone who could relate or anyone I could turn to that could sympathize with my plight.

You think it’s hard trying to lose weight? It’s even harder when you don’t have the support of others fighting the same battle you are. Harder still when there aren’t many places you can find online or anywhere really to find support. Short of forums dedicated to those with eating disorders¹, I’m all alone on this journey and it sucks!

I feel like I’m that kid on the playground who is a little too weird for the other kids and spends her time during recess wishing she could be someone else. I realize that’s an over exaggeration but it doesn’t lessen how I feel or the reality of my situation.

Sarah has been exceptionally supportive of me every since I decided to start this trek and I just have to say I appreciate her so much. I know she’s fighting a similar battle, though on the other side of the spectrum, which is why it means so much more to me when she tells me, “Yay!” after I’ve told her that I’ve met my daily goal.

The truth is it hurts to see how easily my goals are disregarded because I’m not trying to lose weight. I constantly see friends who have mutual friends get congratulated because they lost weight and yet when I talk about my goals and how well I’m doing, it’s like I never spoke or mentioned it at all.

So for those of you who sit there and whine about how you’re treated badly because of your weight or size, at least you have the support of your peers and a HUGE community that you can turn to when you’re down and out. You have a family, a network of people, whether you know it or not that you can lean on.

What do people like me have? An island…. and maybe not even that.

Change is The Essence of Life; Be Willing to Surrender What You Are For What You Could Become

Apr 9, 2011

Last night I made a decision. Probably one that I should have made months ago but there was always an excuse to serve as justification. “We’re too busy.” I’d said or “I’m too tired.” I’d hear [from Robby]– but finally last night I realized that the change I wanted and the change he needed was never going to happen if we half assed our way through everything. We needed this and though it’s going to be hard, especially on me, it’s something that I recognized we needed to do.

Yesterday, I told Robby that I was signing him up for Weight Watchers. I didn’t give him a chance to get in a rebuttal, I told him we were doing it and that was that. Surprisingly, he didn’t argue with me and told me he would try it. It’s going to be a lifestyle change for the both of us because while he and Kristen are trying to lose weight, I’ll be trying to gain it but I’m focused and I am going to do this. No more excuses, no more whining, no more justifications. It’s time the change we’ve been talking about for so long but have never followed through on and we are.

Today we embarked on that journey of change. My goal is to eat at least twice as much as the point value that Kristen is alloted a day, though I’m not deluding myself and realizing that I’m going to have a tough time to begin with. I’m not nearly near my goal for the day but I’m okay with that because it’s a work in progress and I know that. Meanwhile, Robby is now measuring out food as he should be and using the Weight Watchers app on his phone to calculate the point values for the things he’s eating.

I’m going to start drinking Boost Plus to try and increase my daily calorie intake and start tracking the weight that I will hopefully put on. I’m don’t expect this to an easy journey– it’s going to be hard as hell, but I am finally holding myself accountable and am doing the same with Robby. His goal weight is 190lbs and mine is 100lbs. Ideally I’d like to be about 110 but I’ll start small and work up and we’ll see how it goes.

We are the only ones with the capacity to change the people we are and the way we live and we finally are. When’s the last time you made a decision to change?

Housewife? Uh, Yeah Sure… That’s ME!

Apr 6, 2011

I confess wholeheartedly I’m a terrible housewife. The whole Desperate Housewives thing is just not me. Now don’t get me wrong, I HAVE tried to be like that but after awhile the routine bores me and I drop it.

I wish I could be more like Bree Van De Kamp¹ with her can do attitude but honestly? I just don’t have that mentality. I don’t believe that a woman’s sole job is to take care of the house and the children. I think it’s a group effort between husband and wife and so my attempts to be like the Bree Van De Kamp’s of the world die miserably with my realization that that is just not who I am.

If I’m honest with myself, I’m more like the Edie Britts of the world– just much less sleazy.

The thing is, I’d like to be somewhat like Bree Van De Kamp. While I don’t want to completely lose myself in the housewife mentality, I do want to have the focus to want to do things and do them. A lot of the times I get sooo excited about something and then something happens and my focus is diverted on to something else.

Then there’s also the fact that I married someone who seems to have the same issues I do. As much as I love Robby he’s just as ADD as I am when it comes to things and that doesn’t help. We could probably make this house so much more homely if we’d both take the time to focus on the tasks we want to accomplish.

I may not be a Bree Van De Kamp but I do know that I have the ability and the choice to make some changes in my life. This is one thing that I want to change and one thing that I am going to start focusing. It’s not going to be easy, I’ll be the first person to admit that but then again change never is.

Always Remember It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn

Feb 25, 2010

Last night was probably one of the crappiest nights of my life. I’m currently taking Fundamentals in Programming Using Algorithms and Logic and I’m not doing that great. Currently I have a C+ which for those who know me, is crap in my eyes. This class though, has been the hardest class I’ve had to take and as a result this is the second time I am taking it. Anyway, last night I was completing the homework assignment that was due (a peer review) when I happened to re-read the syllabus and realized that the assignment I turned in last Sunday, I had turned in incorrectly. I was supposed to post it in my individual forum as an attachment, however for some reason I goofed and posted it as post. This is a 90 point assignment. I resubmitted the assignment as an attachment last night; however if the instructor chooses to dock me on points (which I would understand if he did) the assignment would be 3 days late and I have no idea what points I would be entitled. If that is the case, it will drop my grade significantly, which means I will have to earn as many points if not all the points on my upcoming assignments to pass the class.

My biggest concern is the final, as it is worth 250 points. I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up royally on that and as a result fail the course and have to dish out $1,035 to retake it. I had a break down after the fact, went into the bedroom and cried. Robby sought me out and consoled me and we talked about a lot of things. One of which was that we were going to sit down on Saturday and work through my final, second of which is to get more serious about blogging and freelance writing so I can bring in a bit more money for us and eventually, hopefully start doing some product reviews like Jenn. I found out today that we are no longer allowed to jump (work when they’re busy and need extra people) so my decision to cut my hours to 20 hours to avoid having to work until 8:00pm, has backfired and as a result, the only way I can make up the hours is by picking up shifts. There are a few people who are willing to let me do this, however I’m not sure how long that will last once they see their paychecks. It’s frustrating and as a result I am frantically looking for a job that will work, given our situation. For the most part I have given up on the at home jobs as it seems the pay isn’t substantial enough to sacrifice a commute for (at least not until Robby starts making more money). In addition my working in town would mean that Robby and I can carpool which means it won’t take him as long to get to work or as long to get home– though that in itself is a problem. We only have one vehicle so I am limited to jobs around where he works, that are based around the same hours. It’s frustrating to say the least but I’m not giving up!

I have also decided to get more serious about web and graphic design. Years ago it was my passion. Now? I’m lucky if I open Photoshop within the month. I am determined though to see this through. I’m currently relearning CSS with the help of Whitters, who has been so kind to elaborate and explain what I do not understand. I am actually surprised at how quickly I’m grasping it; though that’s all in theory. We’ll see how it goes when I’m actually coding a WordPress theme by hand without referencing other site’s coding as examples.

Next on my list is PHP. I bought a book before we moved out here because I wanted to learn but have only picked it up once or twice, if that. I know it’s bad but I get so easily discouraged as I am so used to picking up on things rather easily that when I am not able to do so within a few tries, I give up. It’s a bad philosophy which I am attempting to change and given my new found attitude I think I will be successful. So my list of things to do and hopefully I will have accomplished some or at least started some by the next time I blog:

• Relearn CSS
• Design and code a WordPress theme freehand
• Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator- use them, damnit!
• Learn PHP

And most importantly… pass my fucking class. *facepalm*

Everybody Has to Know For Themselves What They Are Capable Of

Jan 10, 2010

I told myself that this year I wouldn’t bother with resolutions, mostly due to the fact that I fail at keeping them. I made a HUGE list of resolutions last year and out of the 18, I think I was able to accomplish about 7 of them. In other words I failed miserably, lol. This year I think I’m going to shorten my list and create both an online and offline resolutions list. I don’t want to overwhelm myself so I think this time around I’ll be a bit more realistic and hopefully because of that I’ll be able to complete all my resolutions or at least 90% of them by the new year.

We’ll start with the online resolutions:
Blog more often. I’ve successfully blogged every day for a full month so I know I am more than capable of blogging more often then I do. I realize that there are a lot of factors that contribute to my lack of blogging, most often it’s not wanting to blog when I feel as if it’s forced and second often it’s just plain laziness. So this year I resolve to blog as often as possible with the exception of a forced blog entry.

Focus more on paid blogging and don’t do it half assedly. I know it’s a strange resolution to have, but this ties into one of my offline resolutions and thus if I take the time to try and create pieces I can be proud of, this will mean that I can start to branch out more and start working for companies that pay a bit higher for articles. I hope that I can eventually start making $50 per article like Jenn of Jenn.nu.

Stop slacking off on projects. I have several projects under my belt. When I say several, I mean several. One of which is a review site that I wanted to open which ended up falling to the way side. No more. I’m going to be more organized, make lists, and tackle one project at a time.

Increase my viewership. I’d like to get more readers on my blog and realize that in order to do so I need to network a bit more and reach out to others. Sites such as the former Despair.nu were great if you liked superficial comments, but I want readers who actively enjoy visiting my blog and vice versa.

Okay now on to the offline resolutions:

Pay off the credit cards. Now don’t think Robby and I have a shit ton of credit cards and are in debt to our eyeballs because that’s certainly not the case; however we both agreed that before we wanted to even think about trying for children we wanted to ensure that our credit cards are paid off. Obviously no one is every truly ready for children, but I certainly want to make sure that we are as prepared as we can possibly be which means ensuring that credit card bills are not a part of our lives when we introduce kids into them. (By the way, this is the offline resolution tied directly to the paid blogging.)

How about we make our home our home. We’ve been in the house for nearly a year now and it’s still so plain and dreary. I mean sure we painted the family room and living room, but I also want to work on getting pieces up on the walls and just making it feel more homey. Right now the bareness of the walls depresses me so I want to spice the place up by adding my own touches.

Become a Stove Top Diva. Only a few people understand what that means, but essentially I want to really focus on expanding my cooking repertoire because as of right now it’s lacking. Robby and I sat down and realized that we spend waaayyy too much on take out and have made a pack to avoid it as much as possible. Sure we have our moments of weakness, but I think we’re both doing a whole lot better. I also believe that doing this will help prevent us from falling off the wagon and as a result Caity, Jennifer, Rochelle, and I are going to start up a cooking blog in which each day one of us will share a “new” recipe/piece which will hopefully help all of us. By the way, we’re still looking for more people who might be interested in joining us on this escapade, so if you’re interested please shoot me an e-mail.

Focus on building up our savings. Because honestly right now? It’s crap. It’s not a decent size at all which bothers me. We had a sizeable amount, however we seem to have this problem of wanting to buy things that we normally would not if we didn’t have the money for it. I know it’s stupid and it bugs me when Robby decides to buy big ticket items, for instance the ATV he wants to spend our tax return on, but at the same time I can’t tell him no, when I’m guilty of doing the same– albeit the things I want don’t usually cost an arm and a leg. Even still, it’s something we need to work on.

I’m pretty happy with the resolutions I’ve set forth for myself. I’m determined to stick it out and hopefully next year, I will be writing a New Year’s entry of how I accomplished all of my resolutions instead of how I failed miserably at them. Hopefully this year will be full of changes that while difficult will be some of the best things we’ve ever done.