Something’s Gotta Give

Nov 19, 2010

While I don’t suffer from insomnia as badly as Kristen, it is still something that plagues me despite my efforts at trying to set a decent schedule for myself. It just seems that no matter what I do, my body decides that it’s time to wake up at night and as a result even if I am dead tired, unless I have a fair amount of alcohol in me (which seems to be the only treatment for insomnia), I cannot fall asleep.

I have been suffering for the past few weeks now and even though I try and go to sleep early, instead I only end up getting up about 45 minutes later, walk to the loft and jump on my computer because I cannot sleep. It is a vicious cycle which doesn’t seem to end EVER. The only cure as I stated is to drink enough so that I pass out, but even then I don’t want to have to rely on alcohol just so I can sleep at night.

It’s beyond frustrating and I still have yet to come up with something that actually works non-alcoholic related. I refuse to take pills for fear of dependency but I know that something has to give or I will.

I’m spiraling down the rabbit hole, not knowing where I’ll actually end up.

Nov 12, 2009

I am so incredibly exhausted that I nearly went to bed without blogging which would have ruined my streak. I’m glad I stopped to think about it, otherwise I would have probably been pretty upset over it. Today was just bleh. Actually this whole week has just been bleh and I don’t know why. I’m not sure why I can’t put my finger on it but all I know is that I don’t like it. I think part of it has to do with my frustration at work and my disappointment that despite the fact I moved departments to get away from my old department, I’m still forced to take calls from that department. It’s beyond frustrating.

They keep telling us it will just be until the call volume increases because it’s a new division, but I guess no one stopped to think how the fuck that’s going to happen when we only handle 3 call types and the rest get transferred elsewhere. Explain to me how our volume is supposed to increase if our responsibilities don’t either. It just doesn’t make sense.

All I know is I’m glad that tomorrow is Friday. Having to get through work is going to be like pulling teeth, but at least once I’m done with it, I’ll have the weekend to recoup. We don’t have any plans, except maybe to stop by the bead store in town so I can pick up some chain to make bracelets, but other then that it’s going to be a mellow weekend which is exactly what I need.

Though now that I’m reminded, I wanted to look on Craigslist for a old junkard desk to have something to use for my crafts. I think I’m going to go do that now.

As the days go on, I find that I’m slipping further away from you.

Nov 6, 2009

Lack of sleep has definitely caught up to me. It’s 9:30 and I’m yawning, which is bad because I still have homework that I need to complete but I’m so tired I can’t focus. I’ve been sleeping in the spare bedroom because of Robby’s snoring but when I sleep in there I don’t sleep well at all. I haven’t sleep in our bed in a week and it’s saddens me. I really wish he’d just go in and see a doctor so they can get his snoring under control, but nope, hasn’t done it. When he does take initiative he gives up if he can’t get hold of anyone which he’s done several times.

All I know is that I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I am barely holding myself together and I have a BBQ to host tomorrow so if I don’t get enough sleep tonight, I doubt I’ll manage to make it through tomorrow without passing out early. This bothers me greatly, especially because I was looking forward to it so much.

Well, I’m going to try and finish up my homework so I can crash before Robby does. I’m hoping if I fall asleep before him, I’ll be so out of it by that point that the snoring won’t penetrate…. well one can hope, right?

I don’t understand my life or the version that chose you

Nov 5, 2009

So that whole going to bed early to catch up on sleep? Didn’t pan out because my body decided to fuck me wake me up at 6:54– yes in the morning.

Anyway, I figure it’s best to get this blog out of the way now, before I get off and spend the next few hours after that working on homework. I don’t know how I feel about this new schedule. I thought I’d love it, but honestly it feels as if I don’t have time for anything. I get up usually around 10ish and puts around the house for a bit, log on to work at 1:30 and then work until 8:00pm. After which I spend about an hour or two with Robby watching shows or going to the store, etc, then I have to sit down and do homework, which lately if I’m lucky I finish by 11:30pm. After that I’m so wiped I don’t want to do anything, either in the house or on Ecstasy so I’m really hoping that something breaks and I get used to it or figure out a better way to not feel so absolutely drained.

I am so glad that tomorrow is Friday. I feel like this week has dragged on and on. I think that’s what I miss most about having Tuesdays and Wednesday as days off. It just seemed like the week went faster. I don’t know why. While, I’m glad I’m able to spend weekends with Robby, it also sucks because it feels like the week is never going to end. I guess you have to take some good with the bad.

In other news, I finally purchased my upgrade to Windows 7 Professional for my desktop. I’m downloading it right now and then I’ll have to modify a file and burn it to disc so I won’t have to do a full install and can just upgrade and not worry about losing any of my files or having to reinstall yet again. That’s what I hate the most… having to reinstall everything, so I hope this trick works. If not well then I guess I’ll be reinstalling.

Work in the new department for the most part is going well, though I detest having logged in one day to find that they had dual skilled me without asking my permission, nor increasing my pay. I’m sorry, but when did I agree to do 2 jobs? So I e-mailed my supervisor and told her that I wanted to focus on the current department and current project and had no interest in being dual skilled. She hasn’t gotten back to me, but so far I haven’t gotten very many calls from the other department today so I think perhaps she just changed my skill set without telling me.

Alright, I suppose I should get back to work. I have 2 hours and 17 minutes left. Here’s hoping it goes by fast.