Aug 3, 2010
For those who know me, they know that I am a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and while it’s not always certain why that reason is, as time goes on that reason or reasons reveal themselves. For me, I’m glad that in this particular case it was sooner rather than later.
In the past few days I have decided that it was best to cut certain people out of my life after realizing that they never really gave a damn about me or the friendship that we once had. I can say with quite certainty though it is a HUGE relief because at least now I know and the fake pretenses which clearly surrounded the entire friendship to begin with can be dropped. That and that’s one less crazy I have to deal with! I get enough of those at work, thank you very much!
In other news, Kristen and I have decided to reorganize the kitchen. I’ve been wanting to do it for some time but I just couldn’t fathom doing the task alone, so I’m glad that I’ll have someone to help me with it. I’m actually pretty excited and I think along with the kitchen reorganization we can also try and paint the back wall like I’ve been wanting to do. I’m actually really excited about it and I think it will be a relief to scratch that off my list of things to do.
Next up is going to be the garage, but I don’t plan on tackling that until September when it starts to cool down because it is entirely too hot right now, so that will come in due time. I’m excited though because it’s nice to have another person with my mindset around to get things done. As much as I love Robby he’s the “I have an awesome idea” type and starts to work on it, loses motivation and stops. It’s good to have someone to kick me in the ass if/when that happens to me.
All in all, despite everything that has happened in the past few days I’m content and happy with the direction my life is headed. Having Kristen here has really helped with my sour mood of late, I am on a different path with Rochelle and honestly hope that this time around things are different, I continually get closer to Jenn and Meeka Micah Moo Moo Choo Choo and I have a group of friends who are always there for me no matter what. Friends, who I can call out when they’re being down right retarded, without issue or fear they’ll stop being my friends, and friends who understand that even I make mistakes, but I’ll always make a point to apologize when I’m in the wrong; that’s more than I can say for others and for that I am so grateful.
Sep 9, 2009
I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night. I miss the way we sleep like there’s no sunrise, like the taste of your smile; I miss the way we breathe. But I never told you what I should have said, no, I never told you; I just held it in.
“I Never Told You” – Colbie Caillat
Well my mother is here now. I’m still not sure how I feel about that, but it annoys me how she feels the need to critique ever physical aspect of my because she’s just that shallow. I had forgotten how annoying that aspect of who she is has always been. It’s frustrating to me because hello, I’m no longer on the market– it doesn’t matter. Besides my husband loves me for me. I don’t need to fret about shallow aspects because to him they don’t matter and the fact that I don’t, is one of the reasons he loves me. Ugh, fucking irritating.
At this point I have no idea what is going on. I’m not sure how long she’ll be here with us, not sure how the hell she’s getting back to California (I’ll have to talk to my sister’s about that), nor do I know what’s going on with her in terms of immigration since apparently she has no identification as they took her IDs from her? That’s what she told my sister(s) at least which honestly makes no sense to me because why the hell would they release an individual without having a way to identify themselves. It’s frustrating for me because I already feel uncomfortable with her being here. *sigh*
Of all the damn states they had to take her to it just had to be Arizona. Now, don’t get me wrong I do believe everything happens for a reason, but honestly this was just completely unexpected and I’m still trying to deal with it. What makes it hard is not knowing specific time frames. I’d be more at ease if I just knew when she’d be leaving and it’s the not knowing that’s driving me insane. Alright, time to make some phone calls I guess. 
Apr 18, 2009
Well I have to say that I fail at life as I have yet to finish unpacking. I just can’t seem to find the motivation for it. I got the essentials unpacked which really is a step up from before, but I just don’t have it in me to continue. Perhaps, I will drink tonight and see if that will help focus me. I know that is absolutely backward, but I am not exactly what you would consider normal so it may actually help.
In other news my Livejournal is no more. I didn’t delete it, but other then the crossposting from here I will no longer be updating it. It needed to be done and while it was really hard for me, I seem to be okay. A large part of that is due to the fact that I have a new home at DreamWidth. It has the same coding as LJ, but unlike most of the imitation sites out there as the coding is actively being developed and changed. I am actually really excited for what is in store and I think that it will do well. I am still contemplating purchasing a Seed account (similar to a permanent account on LJ) but I’m not sure. I am already in love with the place, but it’s $200/USD and that is a pretty hefty amount. I suppose as the month goes on, I will be forced into making a decision as they are only selling 400 accounts. If you are interested in a DW account, let me know and I will see if I can inqure an invite for you. They are very hard to come by, but I will try to see what I can do.
School as started again and I actually think that I will really enjoy one of the classes I am in. At the very least I know that one of my final projects is something that I think will benefit me in the long run and also happens to be something I am interested in, so that is a plus. My last 2 classes were complete bullshit and I was so glad to have them end. I am hoping that I get more out of the classes I am in now, but we will have to see given that my intelligence tends to get the best of me. Lol.
Well, I am off to take a shot and then hopefully start unpacking. Wish me luck!
Mar 20, 2009
Well, I had originally intended on not opening until April 1st, 2009– however boredom has gotten the best of me and so here I sit to write about the past few weeks which have been a little bit crazy, adventuresome, and shocking. Things which I never thought would come to be, have, and things I never thought would happen, happened– but wait I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the very beginning…
In my post prior to the last (we will get to the previous post 
), you were all informed that Robby and I were in the midst of trying to find a home to buy. I was pretty down about the whole experience, being as we didn’t exactly qualify for much and I honestly felt like the search was really quite fruitless. However, our Realtor (bless his heart) refused to give up and would continue to drag us out every weekend to look at house after house. After another disappointing Sunday afternoon, as we were headed home, he calls us again to tell us that he wants us to look at a home out in Maricopa (about 35 miles out) that he thinks we will actually qualify for. I was exhausted, but I thought, what the hell why not? So Robby stops to pick up some food, we stop at the house to take a look at the pictures online to see if we’ll actually like it– and while I’m not very impressed with the pictures I figure we should go down anyway. So we drive down and meet with our Realtor, who shows us around the community, while we wait for the sales associate to show up.
Finally after 45 minutes, she calls him to say she’s made it down, and we pull up to the model and walk inside. I walk in and instantly fall in love. It is very spacious and although the kitchen is cornered off it is still very spacious that it doesn’t bother me as much. So we walk upstairs and are astounded at the size of the bonus room (loft) and even more blown away by the rest of the rooms in the house. At the point Robby asks to see the actual home, so we head over there and we love it just as much without the furniture. After a consensus between Robby and I that we love the house we head over to the office and fill out the necessary paperwork. Kristie the sales rep tells us that she will call us the following morning to let us know if the pre-qual was approved and being as we had failed to qualify for any other of the houses, I didn’t expect that we would hear good news.
The following day, while I’m working, my phone buzzes and tells me I have a voicemail. I look to see who’s call I have missed and notice that it is our Realtor’s, so I immediately think the worse. I press the voicemail key, enter my password and then listen to his voicemail. I was so surprised to hear him say that we had been approved. My jaw near dropped. I immediately called Robby to tell him the news, as I was still processing it. Kristie advised us that she was going to need a $1,000 cashier’s check to write the contract, so after we got off work at 4, with directions from her as to where to go for a Washington Mutual, we pull up only to find that it has been converted to a Chase. Frustrated, using the GPS in the Jeep we locate the nearest Washington Mutual and drive the 3 some miles to get there. Turns out that WaMu has been shut down. Nearly ready to tear our hair out, we look for the next closest WaMu, this time calling to ensure it is in fact a Washington Mutual and arrive there 30 mins prior to their closing. Finally armed with our cashier’s check we head over to the builder’s office and sign on the contract.
Kristie tells us that the loan officer from the mortgage lender they will be working with will need our past 2 months of bank statements, a copy of our taxes from this year and last, W-2s from the past two years, and our last 2 months of pay stub. She advised us that the loan processor would contact us the following day to let us know all that we needed, but we figured might as well get things sped along and go home and e-mail all the required documents. Robby hears back from her the following down and she advises him of the additional information she’ll need (very minor stuff) and he does his diligence in getting it to her ASAP. She then advised him that she would contact him to let him know if the loan was approved or not. The following day we hear back from her and she says that the loan has been approved, pending his signing and faxing of some documents which he does before he leaves work. She also informed him that if there were any hiccups which she didn’t think there would be, then we would hear back about it the next day or the day after. 2 days pass and we haven’t heard anything– so we are in the clear! 
A few weeks go by and the loan processor informs Robby that they just need a few things signed and faxed before she can send the paperwork off to title. After we do that we get a call a few days later from our Escrow Officer, and she gives us all the calculations and what will be required upon the signing of the title. Now originally we had thought that we would have to pay at least $4500, even with the $1,000 earnest money, but turns out her calculations came out to $3,196 for a down payment. We are absolutely ecstatic as we had expected to pay a lot more then that. She doesn’t believe anything in the amounts will change, but we are keeping the extra thousand until we actually close, which will be next Friday! 
Things have been a bit chaotic due to the fact, however I am extremely excited. It will be so nice to have a home that is ours that I can paint and hang up decorations without fear that I will lose out on my deposit if I do. Next Friday will probably be the next happiest day of my life and I cannot wait for it to arrive. We got a really good deal on the house, as it was $128,990 with an interest rate of 2.5% for the first year, 3.5% for the second, and then locks into 4.5% for the 3rd year, onward. Below you will find the images of the model home– truly it is absolutely breathtaking!
In the midst of all this an ex-friend who I had assumed I would never speak to again, suddenly reappeared in my life and we are talking again. I have a lot of people in my life who disprove of the situation, but there are some who support me and my decisions. For those people I thank because this is not easy and while that may appear to be the case– it is not. I realize exactly what I am getting into, I have thought about it, and while she hurt me, people make mistakes all the time. I had to decide if I would regret walking away without at least trying to reconciliation and upon a lot of thought and self reflection, my answer was yes. It’s been nearly 3 years– I know I have changed a lot during those years, so who is to say she hasn’t either. In the words of one of my very good friends, Nat, “Tread lightly.” And I am.
Mar 15, 2009
It’s funny how a moment in time can change your life. Make you think of things you might otherwise would not have or open up your eyes to things around you and the things that really matter. For those who are close to me they know that the end of last year was probably the hardest battle I have ever fought. And while it was hard and I thought I might not get through it, I am still standing here today, strong and proud of the things that I was able to overcome. Life changes so suddenly that you never see it coming. The person you thought you were and the person you thought you’d never be may suddenly become the person you are and you have to stop and wonder where to go from that point. How do you stop being the person you never wanted to be and become the person you want to be? The answer is never simple, it’s never easy, but regardless of that, it isn’t the mistakes we make that matter the most, it’s twhat we do in the aftermath of those mistakes that define the person we are– the person we will be.
I have had a lot of time to do a lot of self reflecting. Especially given how difficult life was in the past year and what exactly changed to get me to that point. What I discovered wasn’t something special nor was it something of great impact, but it was enough to make me re-evaluate a lot of the things in my life, as well as a lot of the people in my life. I have some great friends. I always have and I know that won’t ever change– yet there is one friend in whom I can’t ever truly let go. She wronged me in many ways, broke pieces of me that I thought couldn’t be broken and while some would understand if I resented her for the rest of my life– or hell even hated her, I find that I don’t have it in me. Regardless of how much pain she caused me or how many tears I shed on her behalf– in a way I am grateful because I can still remember the times we laughed, the times we cared, and the times we shared with each other. I confided in her, things I never thought I would be capable of confiding to anyone other then the man who has my heart about. And while I feared that she would run in fear, she didn’t– she listened and she was there for me in what I like to think is the best way she knew how.
It is those memories and those shared confidences that make it impossible for me to hate her in the way another person would. It is those moments of laughter and tears that make me realize that while things fell a part, we had something special and it is that very realization that will hold a special place in my heart. People aren’t perfect– I above anyone else should know that. It is the actions they take after their mistakes that speak the loudest. I just hope that mine speak what I want them too.
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