Remembrance

Sep 11, 2011

The first time I ever heard this song after the events of 9/11 I cried and to this day it still gives me chills and causes me to tear up. 10 years ago many lives were lost in a senseless act of terror. My heart goes out to those who lost love ones and to this country. It is a day that changed the course of everyone’s life, whether they were directly effected or not, and it is a day that I will always remember.

To those who serve and have served in the military, I salute you for your service and for reminding us that freedom is not without cost.

Little Did She Know She’d Kissed A Hero – Kristy Jackson
He found some socks
She chose his tie
And when he left for work that morning he was just another guy
Going to work
He’d have to fly
Out to a meeting in L.A. so she had kissed him twice goodbye

Little did she know she’d kissed a hero
Though he’d always been one in her eyes
But when faced with certain death
He’d said a prayer and took a breath
And led an army of true angels in the sky
Little did she know she’d kissed a hero
Though he’d always been an angel in her eyes
Putting others first, it’s true
That’s what heroes always do
Now he doesn’t need a pair of wings to fly

The phone had rung
His voice was calm
Before he could tell her anything she knew something was wrong
I love you so
The last words he’d said
She said I love you too
And then the phone went dead

Little did she know she’d kissed a hero
Though he’d always been one in her eyes
But when faced with certain death
He’d said a prayer and took a breath
And led an army of true angels in the sky
Little did she know she’d kissed a hero
Though he’d always been an angel in her eyes
Putting others first, it’s true
That’s what heroes always do
Now he doesn’t need a pair of wings to fly

Protected: It’s Enough, I’ve Done All That I Can Think Of

Aug 13, 2011

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I Blog Because I Can

Aug 11, 2011

Weekly Theme: Online and Gadgets
Daily Prompt: What inspired you to create your personal blog? What continues to inspire you?

I first sought out blogging as a means of a release. It allowed me to get out all my feelings and emotions without having to verbalize it to those around, something that even now I still struggle with. Writing is an escape for me. It allows me to get lost without my emotions and let the thoughts I have, the feelings I feel tumble out without preparation or hesitation. When we speak, we guard the things we have to say. We subconsciously edit the words that escape our mouth because we’re taught that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say it all and thus we censor.

Writing is different. It allows us to be a little more open, share a deeper piece of ourselves without necessarily feeling completely vulnerable and raw. You do not have to see the look on the faces of those who read your blog as they read it– whereas when you talk to someone, the reaction is there for you to see and ultimately affects you even if you deny that it does.

There isn’t a whole lot that continues to inspire. I write because I can, because I need to write. I am the type that over analyzes or recounts conversations and actions over and over again and my blog serves as a brain dump for me. Eventually what I’d like to do is expand on my content. Blog about recipes I’ve tried or projects that I have picked up and even start utilizing this place as a photo dump. Will that happen? Eventually. When will it happen? When the muse strikes me.

Protected: Longshot

Aug 10, 2011

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Working People Have Alot of Bad Habits, But the Worst of These is Work

Aug 5, 2011

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: What are some of your bad habits?

I am a cesspool of bad habits. If I am not practicing one bad habit, another is taking it’s place. I’ve kind of come to accept this fact about me because honestly, I’ve tried to break them and well, 1, it’s too much work and 2, I often forget after some time and revert. Yeah, yeah I know I could probably do it if I really put my mind to it– but as the title says, the worst bad habit I have is work and that takes up most if not all of my time.

1. Expletives is my middle name. To be perfectly honest I do not really see this as a bad habit but I guess others can be put off by it¹ so I suppose it’s a bad habit in their eyes. Growing up cuss words rarely left my mouth because my father was totally against them and I was terrified he would beat me into the next century if he heard me using them, lol– though ironically² I still feel that way when I’m around him. So what started my use of expletives to express my annoyance and irritation? Enter Robby, lol. Yes, my potty mouth was inherited from being around him and his family. At this point I just don’t fight it anymore. I mean honestly– what’s the fucking point?
2. Biting my nails. This is one of those habits that I have attempted to stop and have been successful but then revert because it bugs me when dirt is easily trapped under my long nails. This is also the main reason I can’t stick with acrylic nails for very long. I cannot deal with the dirt, lol.
3. Shutting down. I am much better at this now then I was years ago but I have the tendency to shut people out or hold back my feelings to the people I love. Years ago it was much worse but it is still something I struggle with at times.
4. Sabotage. I’m a self-saboteur. If things are going well in my life for a prolonged period of time, I have the tendency to fuck it up. Now I do not do this purposely but subconsciously. It’s like my self destruct button gets triggered and there’s no going back. I’m much better at cleaning up the messes I make now but that isn’t always the case.
5. Disregarding what others say in favor of my own opinion. Again, something that was really bad years ago but another aspect that I have continually worked on. I still have some work to do but considering where I started, I’m pretty damn proud with how far I’ve come.
6. Inability to accept compliments. If you compliment I immediately thinking your lying or being a smartass. I doubt this outlook is going to change any time soon.
7. Picking up the slack. I get yelled at continuously by Robby because I have this “get er done” attitude when it comes to work even if it means I’m killing myself. He gets upset because he says “that’s not your job” which technically is true but I recognize that someone needs to do it which further infuriates him because that someone shouldn’t be me. This is one of my bad habits, working too hard and too much BUT it’s not one that is going to change. At the least people value my work ethic.
8. Being far too self-critical. They say you’re your own worst critic. I surpass that statement by miles.

These are just some of the bad habits I have which I have either worked on improving, tried to break or just accepted it for what it is. I’m no means perfect but I do have to say that I’m proud I can recognize my faults and admit to them when many cannot or just outright refuse.

Betrayal is Common For Men With No Conscience

Aug 4, 2011

Weekly Theme: Personal
Daily Prompt: What would you say to the first person who ever broke your heart if you were given the chance?

Unlike most individuals my first heart break didn’t steam from an ex—though it did steam from a relationship, a relationship which for most is one of their most important in their life. For me it was the one that broke me completely and utterly and one that I hope no one else has had to experience.

If I were given a chance to truly tell the first person who ever broke my heart what I felt, I would probably ask why? Why did you decide to walk away from your family, from your kids and pick your friends? Were we not worthy enough, was there something so wrong with us that you could no longer stand to be around us or was it all just a big game to you? Let’s see how long I can stick this out and then BAM, one day you decided you were over it.

If I were given the chance to express my feelings and thoughts to my mother without the fear of vulnerability I would say to her, “At one time I idolized you. You were the sun in my sky and there wasn’t a single thing I wouldn’t have done for you and yet—that unconditional love was something you never reciprocated. You could have been a great mom but you made the choice to be something else entirely.

As much as my sisters want to credit your behavior to the issues you had when you were younger, I can’t. Why? Because of free will. We all have the ability to at one point to recognize that we can choose how we want our life to turn out and what path it is we choose to travel. I did that myself because of you. When I recognized I had a choice—I choose to be better than what you were, what you are.

Your behavior is not excusable because you had a shitty pass and I want you to know that who I am now, the woman I have become is partly because of you but don’t brag about it because every attribute I dislike about myself is due to you, every attribute I deem as good is because I didn’t want to be like you.

That’s the legacy you have to take to your grave and I hope that it was worth it. I really do.”